Long Time, No Write... I Know.

Jeez I haven't written in a month or more. Life has been absolutely crazy. I started working full time on the 31st of March. I have kept up running and my eating is usually on track... for the first part of the day... lol. By dinner, I don't know what it is, but I keep eating way too much. Like everyday. My theory is that now that I'm working and being a lot more physically active, I need a lot more calories vs. when I was just at home everyday. So I think I need to just bite the bullet and raise my calories. Maybe then I'd actually start losing again. I havent been gaining but I havent been losing either. Last I checked I was 126.4. But that wasn't first thing in the morning so I don't know. Thank GOD I haven't gained. I'm really shocked about that... I seriously eat like over 2000 calories a day lately and am not gaining weight.
As you may recall from previous posts, I had a goal to be 120 by my mom's birthday. I definitely wasn't 120. So that sucks pretty bad. I am trying to figure out where my commitment went. I mean what the heck man, I was doing so well for so long! I don't know how I did it! How did I say "no" to all the cravings and stuff?
Its really interesting and I think there's something psychological to it. I keep letting myself "cheat". And have been craving sweets like crazy! Mainly chocolate or ice cream or anything with peanut butter.

So besides my eating being off track, at least my running is going strong! Later today my cousin Rebecca and I are gonna run 9 miles. That will be a new personal Record for my distance! I am registered for the Windsor Half-Marathon on May 18th. Gonna run the Human Race (10k) on May 10th and then another Half-Marathon on August 10th before the Santa Rosa Marathon on the 24th of August. Call me crazy but then in October I'm planning to run a 3rd Half. The three of them are a series where if you finish all 3 you get a custom label bottle of wine from I-forget-which-winery. Hahaha. I'm not a huge wine person but I like it alright and a custom bottle sounds pretty cool :)

Soooooooo anyways that's pretty much it lately. I need to recommit to my goals. Ok so here it is... by July 1st, I will be 115 pounds *or* have a 6-pack. Whichever comes first. That's 2 and a half months to lose like 12 pounds. SO do-able!

March Madness! (I know, I'm corny)

Well here we are. The third month of the year is almost halfway over!
I haven't had the best week calorie-wise. Went out for drinks with the girls on sunday night and had a few nights where I ate too much. Not TOO bad... only a few hundred over goal... I gotta have fun SOME times!

And I had some good long distance runs this week and ran Petaluma Hill Road again. I also did pushups yesterday... 3 sets of 8 "girl" pushups (haha). I am soooooore! Quads and armpits. Which I read being really sore can mean your muscles are swollen and therefore retaining water... which would explain why the scale said 126.6 today. No matter. I'm in the frickin 120's on a "fat" day. No complaints here!!

Ugh I seriously need to do abs! What's my problem!? Ok I'm just gonna do some today. I've been super busy but that's no excuse! If I can find time to run, I can find 5 minutes to do some abs!
Here's why I need to do 'em! My un-worked-out abs are starting to show through my blubbery stomach finally!!

So yeah, I'm VERY stoked! NOTE: these pants rock cause they hide my saggy, stretch marked lower belly. Where abs are still invisible. But that doesn't stop me from being stoked about the progress I'm seeing! See, if I would just frickin buckle down and work 'em! 

Oh yeah, so I think it was Monday of this week, I did 7 miles again on Petaluma Hill Road... guess what, they were 8:11 minute miles!! That's almost my 5K speed!!! What the heck! I don't know how it happened. Sometimes you just have a day where it all just "clicks" and you float through your run and magically PR. I got a lot of sleep the night before. Maybe that had something to do with it. 

Oh yeah, I gotta tell you guys about this amazing pre-workout powder!! (I wasn't using it for that 7 mile run... but if I had they probably would have been 7 minute miles haha)

But yeah, the stuff is called C4 oh my gosh, you will PR if you use it! Costco has the best deal! $38.99 for TWO tubs! I paid $36 at GNC for ONE. What the heck. The only downside is Costco only has the fruit punch flavor and GNC has tons of flavors (LIKE WATERMELON OMG NOM). I'm not kidding though, this stuff is incredible. You have SO MUCH ENERGY. Its super powerful. If you aren't already working out when it kicks in, you get this bad "pins and needles" feeling all over your body. The more sedentary you are, the more it hurts. So yeah, just a little tip for you. Drink it and get moving asap!! I'm not gonna use it every workout. For races, yes, and maybe every now and then when I'm adding mileage. Cause I don't want to feel like I "always need it" and stuff. But if you want a good pre-workout drink, "C4 Extreme" is the stuff, I tell ya!

Anywaaayyys, enough plugging products. Hope you are all having a fantastic week! I'm gonna go eat some old fashioned oatmeal with 1/4 cup of whole milk in it with a dash of cinnamon, as my breakfast. Have a great week, all!

Praise Report!

Most of you probably know this, but my husband Daniel, Hailie and I live with Daniel's mom. We rent a room from her. It has been tough financially, and we need to move out, for obvious reasons. I long for my own home! My own kitchen to clean, my own yard/garden to tend, a room and bed that i can tuck my daughter into... etc. It has been hard relying on just one income. I am currently in the process of getting what is called a Small Family Home Childcare License, which allows me to care for up to 6 children (or 8 if at least 2 are endrolled in Kindergarten+) at home. Doing so will bring in a lot of money and allow me to be with Hailie. But we need our own place in order for me to start. That is the hold up.

I don't know how some Moms do it... leave their kids at daycare and go to work. I can't do it. I just physically cannot. I would rather live under a bridge in a cardboard box. But that's just me haha!

Anyways, so I have been looking for a way to earn money while still being able to stay with Hailie. I am selling plants, cleaning homes, and make a little money using some fitness apps I have but obviously that isn't enough to move out on.
I was getting to the point where I felt so powerless to my situation. I felt unstable, insecure, and I was going out of my mind with some of the issues involved with our living situation. Why I waited so long to cry out to God, I do not know. But when I finally did, he has answered!

About a month ago, I had this measly $5 bill floating around my wallet. I knew it was there and I was kind of hoarding it, not wanting to spend it until I REALLY needed it. One day, I was just letting my mind wander and an old daily Bible Devotional came to mind from 5th grade probably, that my mom had taught/talked about. It was all about tithing and the Lord's promises involved with tithing. I thought about the story Jesus told about the lady who gave her last gold coin to the church and how that was sweeter and more valuable to God than the lady who was rich and had given more than a gold coin. (This was probably from a little kiddie bible, so forgive me if my facts aren't straight... but you get the point!)
Then I thought about my little $5 bill. That was it. I needed to stop worrying about it all. I also thought about Matthew 6:26:

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

And there are many scriptures about how God loves us and wants what is best for us. How he wants to give us the desires of our heart.
Psalm 37:4 comes to mind:

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

Simple and to the point. That Sunday, with a humble and happy heart, I gave my last $5. I put it in the gold bowl/plate at church and basically forgot about it. I was in substantial credit card debt from having to pay bills with them, broke, but at peace. That night I went on care.com (you may have heard of it) and applied to (literally) 43 Nanny jobs in the area. I also put out a request on facebook for work anyone was willing to give me, as long as Hailie could be with me.
As I drifted off to sleep, I laid there with my eyes closed and left it up to the Lord. In my heart, I said: "God, if this is a good idea... if this is something in your will, something that can get me out of here, please help me to succeed. Please find the perfect family. The perfect kids for me to watch and care for. In your son Jesus' name... amen"

The next few days I received few replies. Most said they filled their positions, some (almost rudely) expressed their opposition to my bringing Hailie. "That's ok." I thought. If God wants it to happen, he would make it happen.

After a series of events, Daniel and I now need to move out by July 1st.

The first few days after this news broke, I tried to put on a happy face and "stay strong"... whatever that means... eventually I was freaking out inside. There was no money coming in.

I thought about all my hopes and dreams. They seemed so far away... so untouchable. Would I ever own a house in the country with 50 acres to live off of? Grow my own food organically and sustainably? Raise livestock, raise my babies where they can run barefoot in the soil and find all the simple joys of planting a seed and watching it grow? Seeing the new life of a chickie begin as it hatches, or watch puppies being born, or bunnies, or anything? Where i can teach them the things my parents taught me. That there is more to life than material objects and all the acheivements of man. Teach them to value the Kingdom of God. To love deeply. To trust. To have faith. To be humble. Teach them that it is not with flesh and bone that we wrestle with. That there is an unseen spiritual world. And so much more that I don't know how I can ever be as good of a parent as they are.
Would I ever have my own Jersey milk cow? My own horse? Have a little farmstand and sell some things for money to buy what I can't grow or make myself?

I just broke down inside my heart. I want more than what I have! I need it! And I know God wants it for me. "I am more than what I have become".
I cried out to him again a few days ago. "God, don't you see me?! I know it is by my own actions that I am in this situation. I know I turned away from you, and that path lead here but please Lord, please... I want to come back! I need your help though! I can't do it alone! I want to live the life you planned for me! I want the gifts that you want to give me. I want YOU God! Please hear me and save me from this place!"

Fast forward to now. We received our income tax return and it was enough to get us out of debt.
And I had several friends message me on facebook about work, which has helped! (Especially helped my moral)

Then yesterday happened. I got an email from a lady from care.com. I remember her job opportunity had stood out to me because it seemed PERFECT. Full time, consistent schedule, kids were the right age (and CUTE to boot!) And it paid well. I left it to God though and kept applying to more.
The lady with the perfect job had emailed me. Her name is Jessica and she had just had 3 potential care-givers fall through. I emailed her back and she said I sound like the perfect match! I got the job you guys :) I will be paid a flat rate per day, and paid (1/2 time) bank holidays, vacation time, sick days and that bonus week between Christmas day and New Year's. I will be making enough that in a few months, I will have enough saved to move out on! (Yes I subtracted my current bills). I know I took a long time to write all of this, but I really wanted to give thanks and glory to God for providing the perfect job for me. The family actually lives very close to my parents too, so I will probably get to go visit sometimes if I get off early and what not :)

So next time you feel helpless, alone, unloved... like your life is out of control, you feel like your situation is impossible. Feel like you've dug yourself into too deep of a hole... He can still pull you out! He is there in the struggle! He will help you! I am no one special! I have sinned as much as the worst of us. God is faithful to you. He loves you and He will keep His promises!

This job will get us out of here. Get us in our own home. Then I will have my Childcare license and do in home daycare. I have my "10 year plan" for saving and eventually buying my own land with a home on it, debt-free. I know there will probably be hiccups in the journey there, but I am trusting God :)

200 days and counting!

Yesterday was my 200th day in my streak on MyFitnessPal. That means 200 days since my weightloss/healthy journey began. It doesn't feel like its been that long! As I've said before... I'm glad I started when I did. I didn't wait for "monday". Didn't wait till "the first of the month", or even "first of the year". I just started. What I was currently eating was what was maintaining my obesity/helping me gain more. As hard as it may be for some people to accept, your weight is in your complete control. No one else's. No one is holding a gun to your head, telling you to keep eating. Telling you to eat another cupcake or piece of chicken or slice of pizza or whatever your drug of choice is. I say drug because researchers are now finding that eating certain foods for most people triggers a dopamine release in the brain the same as a drug addict's when they get their fix. It may not be as strong as say, heroine or cocaine, but it is the same thing that happens. You sink your teeth into that pizza or bloomin' onion or doughnut and your brain says "YESSSS!" obviously, that rush soon subsides and the brain wants it again. We are wired biologically to be pleasure seakers. The Good Lord put this in us because it helps us servive in the natural world he first created us in. But nowadays... there are calories galore... too many... and when that gets combined with low nutrition per calorie, you have someone who is literally starving from a nutritional standpoint but yet they are quite noticeably overweight or obese. You've got to eat nutritious foods. Sure, treats are fun now and then. Like Sunday... I ate fried Calamari and Fish n Chips! (Probably why I only lost 0.4 pounds this week haha) but it was a fun treat, I enjoyed it and am done with it. That's the first time in months I have eaten anything deep fried. I don't do it everyday or I will blow back up to my obese self. 

So yeah. Not to lecture, but that stuff has been on my mind lately.

Anywaaayyysss things have been going aight. Like I said, cheat meal happened on Sunday evening. And I went a little over my calories on friday and saturday so today my weight is 127.2. I'm totally happy with that. I have been sick now with a bad cold for over a week. Despite that, I still have the energy to train for our half marathon. The mileage has been low (5 miles was my biggest run this week) but at least I'm getting out there! Never before would I have been able to comfortably run 5 miles with a sinus infection!! I guarantee you, it is because of what I have been eating. I eat to fuel my body now. Not to please my tongue. (Ok, sometimes I please my tongue...).

I think that's pretty much it for this week. Thanks for reading :)

Transformation pic I forgot to post here!:

The winds are a'changin!

What's that, self? Run a 10k, half marathon and full marathon by the end of August this year? Sounds like a plan!

Its on like Donkey Kong! Saturday May 10th 8am: Human Race (Santa Rosa) 10k! That's $35.

Then Sunday May 18th, 8am (my brother Benjamin's bday!) The Windsor Town Green Half Marathon ($75). We are beginning half Marathon training this week!
Once we have completed the full, we will begin full marathon training for:
August 24th 6am, the Santa Rosa Marathon ($125) I'll use mainly my dietbet winnings to pay for everything and no doubt I'll need new trainers too but if anyone wants to donate money towards races I won't say no! ;) haha no but seriously. Haha. Its gonna be like $400 this summer in races and shoes. Of course, you don't need to do races to be in shape. But its something really cool that I feel passionate about and I really want to do it!

I'll be running these races with my cousins Rebecca and Gabriella Elliott (Gabrie will be in Germany for the full though, so obvs she can't run it), my cousin Janae too and then my sister Julia is on board too I believe! I'm seeing if my sister Bella wants to run. Its gonna be so fun! We have to come up with a team name and we're gonna make shirts and everything! Fitness and health are contagious! I'm soooo excited! We are crazy but we're gonna do it!

I'm back on track with weight loss too! 127.6 pounds this morning! On track for diet bets and everything!

I killed my abs last week and did squats and deadlifts. Just need to keep it all up! This is the first summer of my teenage and adult life that I will be in shape! I am soooo looking forward to it!

The weather has been absolutely fantastic the past few days! I know we need more rain here in California but I'm getting spring fever already!

My heart is happy, my body healthy and my spirit is content and at peace today. God is good! In His will, may these plans succeed!

Whoosh!

Last Sunday (Superbowl) I pigged out to the max. I seriously ate so much food. Chips, dip, nuts, celery dipped in blue cheese dressing, strawberry/banana skewers, homemade jalapeño poppers (baked instead of deep fried, but still...) and probably like 20 hot wings and honey bbq wings. Oh and 2 Shock Top beers. I was so full, it hurt. I weighed in monday morning 5 pounds heavier than the previous Friday. So I dropped my calories back down to 1220 and got back on track. I know a lot of that was just my body bloating and retaining water from all the sodium I consumed, (my fingers were noticeably swollen by bedtime) but I have another dietbet round ending on the 21st and I need to be 128 for that. 

Well I took a peek on the scale yesterday and hadn't lost much weight. So all day yesterday I drank tons of water! (109 ounces... no joke) It helped my cravings and then this morning I got on the scale and put up 129.8!!!!!! I can't believe it!!! I'm in the 120's!!!! And the fabled "whoosh" is real! Haha. So yeah that is some crazy stuff!! Hard work is paying off!! The scale seriously said that! 

My cousin Rebecca and I finished our distance training yesterday! Today we did a shorter run with my other cousin Gabriella (Rebecca's sister) but tomorrow we plan to begin our crazy intense speed training. Yay! Its supposed to be 5 days/week but I doubt we will be able to train that much. We'll try though! We have 12 weeks till the race. Just enough time to complete the program if we stay on track. So we might not complete it but every little bit will help our time. week one starts us out just running 4 miles but we have to really push our speed. So that's totally do-able.

Wow I'm in the 120's... sorry I just remembered! Haha

I went shopping a few days ago at the thrift store my sister Julia works at (one of the Crossing The Jordan stores. The boutique-y one in Rohnert Park) and got a whole bunch of new (to me) clothes! Its still a strange cool feeling to go right to the "small" section to shop. I can pick out cute things and know they won't "make me look fat". Among the things I bought was a pair of jeans size 3. They are still about 2 sizes too small. I can barely button them. But they are my new "goal" jeans! They are actually the right length too haha. Jeans have almost always been too long on me for as long as I can remember.

There they are! Can't wait till they fit! 

So that's this week's update! Hope your day goes well and all! 

Get yo head in the game!

Well, as of today I am the same weight as I was the last time I wrote, two weeks ago. This morning I was 131.2. Which is a good weight, I'm not complaining by any means, but I've just been maintaining my weight lately and I feel like I need to recommit to my goals. I keep having "cheat days" which turn into "cheat weekends". It isn't even bad food. Just more food than I should be having in order to continue towards my fitness goals. Especially when I go to my parent's. I just want to join in the fun there and enjoy myself! But. Time to buckle down again. by the end of February I want to put up a 126. That's about a 5 pound loss for February. Easily achievable.

Training has been going well. Rebecca and I are right on track! On Tuesday, she didn't have time to run so I just ran alone. Decided to try to do a fast 5K and see how my speed was. I thought I wouldn't do very well since we've been training for distance so much lately but I put up a brand new PR! Sub-25 minutes with a 24:46! Over a minute faster than my previous best. I don't know how it happened. I just went HARD the whole time. Sprinted the last 0.10 miles. And it just happened. I think this next week is our last week of distance training and then we will begin our speed training.

I officially won two more Diet Bets as of today! They are still finalizing other player's numbers so I won't know how much money I have won until another day and a half but I expect it to be around $100. So that is pretty cool :)
and I signed up for a few more to keep my motivation going and to kick February into higher gear! I figure I can pay for the new ones with my current winnings and then once I win the new ones, THAT money can go for my Human Race entrance fee and whatever else.

My husband Daniel has been doing amazing still! he had a cheat day last Sunday and still managed to put up an incredible loss this week! He's losing more than what most people recommend, but he started out at a higher weight and so its different than if someone like me was to be putting up numbers like that. Once again, he's going to be posting a blog which I will share on my facebook, so I don't want to give away his stats... But it has been a month so he is posting some non-scale victories and they are shocking!

Sunday is Superbowl Sunday. We are going to my sister-in-law's new place for a party. We'll be bringing hot wings, bbq wings, and some healthy appetizers and deserts. That will keep me on track. I may have a beer or two, we'll see what my calories allow for, haha. I will probably let myself go over a little, since I'm only at the beginning of the month and diet bets, but I'm not going to pig out a ton and eat too much. I will be avoiding potato chips and dip, as that is one of my food weaknesses and once I have one, I just can't seem to stop. So that is my battle plan.
Valentine's day is coming up soon too. I plan to just have a few of whatever sweets I get. Just a little treat or two. Won't let myself pig out. I need to focus on myself again. Get my head in the game!
Since I've only lost another 5 pounds since my last progress pictures I'm still not posting any new ones. Maybe by the end of this month there will be a noticeable change if I drop another 5 pounds.

I really really need to stop procrastinating weight training. I am a cardio gal. Heck, I have lost over 40 pounds with cardio! But I seriously need to do some squats, deadlifts, work my arms and my core. I need to just buckle down, lift the heavy weights, and get stronger. my arms are too skinny. They need some meat on them. (actual meat, not more fat...)

I have been feeling guilty lately for being this thin. I had a few comments from a couple people (who are overweight themselves) that I need to make sure I "don't go too far" and "You will not look good if you lose more weight. It will just be gross. 120 is WAAAYYY too thin for you!" (Nevermind the fact that it is a PERFECTLY NORMAL weight for someone of my height. that would only be like a 22(ish) on a BMI scale. I would have to weigh less than 108 for it to be considered underweight. and I don't think its possible to weigh that little and still maintain the muscles I have. Seriously. I will never get THAT skinny.
But yeah, after those comments I have been feeling bad and self-conscious and afraid to lose more weight kinda. That's one reason why I didn't post a blog last week. I guess I'm just afraid of people thinking I'm getting too thin. But I seriously am not! Maybe I should post more pics so you can see I still have a very flabby stomach. I know that's a lot of pregnancy loose skin but trust me, there is plenty of fat in there still. And I want a version of a 6-pack by summer so, ya know. Gotta cut the fat and grow the muscles. 120 is just a goal. its more about what I look like now than what the scale says. It is just a number I'm shooting for, but the real finish line will be that stomach definition. You know what, I'll do it. I'll show you guys my stomach when I DON'T suck it in:

Yeah, there... you see? Def not too skinny. Its very squishy and jiggly and flabby. Not anything compared to what it used to be, but I look 15 weeks pregnant if I don't suck it in! Again, not complaining. I guess I'm just trying to justify my goals? So there! Haha well that's all for now. Thanks for reading!

Oh wait! I almost forgot to show you guys this picture! I must have been 13/14 in it and I am obviously woofing down nachos. This was in my very chubby days. My sister Julia found it and sent it to me a couple days ago:

Ugh, SO embarrassing! The ultimate "fatty" picture! Ok bye for reals now :)