Still At It

I haven't written anything in a long time because I have been sucking at fitness. I'm probably like 138 lbs right now. still not overweight, but getting close to that line (for my height) according to BMI charts. Which- I know are not the end-all, be-all with measuring your fitness level but whatever. Its a good general guideline.

I had a crazy busy summer. worked 60+ hours almost every week. not really much time for exercise. I was always tired. any free hour I had, I wanted to spend it with my husband and Hailie. Or, if Daniel was working, I wanted to be over at my parent's casa. I made myself run MAYBE twice a week (and that's a generous average). But my speed and endurance went way down. I gained a good 15 pounds. I always thought that once I had my own place, everything would be easier than ever. In many ways it is... but indulgence is more tempting than ever. I love just hanging out at home, cozy on the couch, watching Netflix, or reading articles on my phone... I love running and fitness still but I guess I still have a lazy gene haha.

Eating right has become a chore for me. I keep feeding myself crappy, processed, unhealthy foods and naturally, of course my nutrient starved brain is like "UH, you need to eat some more food..." and its so tasty and and and... you get it. It gets really annoying to count calories. Or just pay attention to what I've been eating. If I'm at work, I'll eat well while I'm there, because I usually pack healthy meals and snacks. Then I get home and eat 6 slices of pizza. or 5 cups of pasta swimming in cheese and salt and pepper... And some Italian seasoning... with the Parmesan on top... sigh.

I have found myself asking myself several times recently... "How the heck did I do it before??" Well, I know HOW I did it... literally... what it takes... the things you do, ways you have to eat... calories you have to burn, etc., etc., etc... But how did I make myself do that? Everyday... for so long? I said no to the pizza at birthday parties... the cake and ice cream...
I remember telling myself "This isn't the last opportunity I will have to taste (insert delicious food here), and I will feel much better about myself tomorrow if I don't eat that.
Nowadays, I have replaced that thought with "I want to eat this so bad! I'm just going to do it!"
Where did my self control go?

I am under more stress now. Money, of course, is at the top of that list. Making it on our own is rewarding in more ways than I can think of at the moment, but the challenges are hard! I'm really into learning about investing money now and I read all kinds of financial articles almost every day.
But back to my point... the stress... Anyone will tell you that stress contributes to weight gain. I should eat better and exercise more to reduce my stress. I'm just lazy sometimes! (a lot of times...)

One thing that I HAVE found to be almost foolproof to getting back on track is to force yourself to have just one victory. Be in the moment and say "I don't need another serving of (whatever food)." or "I don't need just one taste. I am sticking to eating clean and within calorie goal today". I've noticed that if I have just one victory like that, where I follow through and overcome that challenge, the ball is up and rolling again and it snowballs into weeks of eating well. So I start to lose weight again. But, inevitably, something happens. I eat that pizza... and then THAT snowballs... it only takes once... one choice... a good one, or a bad one, to get that ball rolling in whichever respective direction.

As most of you know, I am a nanny. Mon/Tues/Wed and 1 Sunday every 3 weeks, I watch 2, six year old boys.
In the summer, I was pulling 14 hour days with them. Now that they are back in school, I do have that little break in my day and I have been taking advantage of it, running with my mom. We have gone 2 Tuesday mornings in a row now (since I have had the past 2 weeks off cause my boss is on mandatory leave... long story) at 6:30 AM for hill training in Annadel. And I'll be doing a "fun run" tonight at Heart&Sole Sports with the group there. (I got in to it cause my Mama went a few times and makes friends everywhere she goes and is BFFS with everyone there now hahaha ;) love it!)
So that's good. keeping me running. I did 12 Miles this past Sunday and I am feeling it today!
Thursdays and Fridays are the hardest days to fit fitness in to because those days I have another family I nanny for. Just shy of 10 hour days there. But that's life! Nothing new to most people. I have to put on my big girl pants and make myself workout those days too. And eat right.

Another thought I've been having is that I need to set some new running goals for myself. I don't have any races planned in the future. So I just kind of go out for a run... usually a 10k these days. A random number of times every week, no structure to my runs. I haven't been incorporating any speedwork, or endurance training. I think that has me down. I need new shoes really badly (my current ones are probably coming up on (running friends, close your eyes!) 1000+ miles... So that's uninspiring. I'm waiting until Christmas when I will have some gift cards to spend. Hehe.

Oh! One good thing that has gotten me off the couch several times is that we got a puppy! My family hosted a good friend's pregnant German Shepherd and her eventual litter of puppies at their home. It was an accidental breeding. The dad was a Black Lab, so the pups are German Shepradors hahaha (no really, that's a real thing).
Of course we fell in love with the puppies and at 8 weeks, went and bought one :D her name is Katara.
I know... I know... We live in a 1 bedroom apartment with a 20'X12' little yard. And I already have a 12 year old Black Lab, Chloe. "But I'm a competitive runner!" I said. "I'm a high energy person who leads an active lifestyle who would love a dog as a running buddy!" (Chloe is way too old). Now I have to follow through and stick to that commitment. She is still a puppy (17 weeks now) and I have been doing little runs with her since we got her. started out at just a 1 mile jog. slowly progressing to where she can run a 10K now. And I always watch her on a run, making sure she isn't getting tired. And we don't go very fast. I usually let her pace us, and then back off that pace a little. Because (supposedly) too much high impact exercise for a puppy can throw off their growth plates. (idk how much of a problem that really is... I mean if you let a puppy her age play on its own, it is all sprinting, stopping, sprinting again, jumping, tearing through the yard, chasing and play fighting with other dogs etc etc but whatever, better safe than sorry!) She is the best doggie ever! (Stop me if I'm being one of those annoying dog owners who thinks everyone in the world wants to hear all about their dog...)
There are mornings when I really DON'T want to get up at 5:30 to take her out on a bike ride in the dark, before work. But I do it anyways.
She's really fun to take off leash. I know, its against the law most everywhere around here. I guess I'm a rebel. She does amazing off leash, just trotting by my side. or on a trail she will sprint up ahead a little ways, sniff around a little while she waits for me, then start running again when I catch up. She's my real life Lassie.

We found a cool trail along a creek in Rohnert Park, off of Snyder and we went out about 2 miles before we suddenly came up out of the woodsy creek path to a Golf Course. Without a word, we both stopped. Looked at each other. Looked back at the Golf Course. There were people out there golfing and walking and doing other golfy things. I've had other dogs that would have bolted out onto the glorious open grassy fields. (She was off-leash still). She looked back at me and I just said "Well, let's just go back home." And we both simultaneously turned around and started our run back. She moves with me like music. And even if its a first time on a new route, she is better at remembering the way back than I am. She remembered the little hidden turnout path we took to go down by the creek when I wasn't sure. Obviously she possesses some noble wolf-like traits. (I kid). She started up it and looked back at me while I hesitated, looking around making sure it was the right way. She looked like "Well? Come on, its this way!" I could run on a new trail with her in the dark and trust her to lead us back exactly as we came.
Ok, sorry, I truly have become one of those obnoxious people who are obsessed with their dog. And this blog is supposed to be about fitness! So back to that stuff...

I am constantly "trying" (ahhh... there's the problem!) to "get back on track" with everything. I'm tired of it. I know the best way to solve that is to STOP GIVING UP and GIVING IN. I'm usually about a 9:30min/mile lately for my 10k.
Going from an 8:07 Half Marathon (with an injury!) to not being able to get under a 9 for just a 10k leaves me feeling deflated and disappointed. It just goes to show you how much proper nutrition and rest, play into athletic performance. I used to train 3 or 4 days a week. for the past month or so, I've been doing that, but not seeing any improvements. I am undoing all my training by eating too much and eating crap. My same old habits. I'm still me. I still have to battle my gluttonous temptations.

So. Idk. Just feel encouraged that the struggle is real. If you are still out there struggling to achieve your fitness goals, you're not alone. I'm not perfect. I keep on just... not doing what I should be. I'm in a rut. Its hard. I'd love to drop down to 115 lbs of pure muscle, shatter all my race records, sweep every race this next year with 1st places in my division and have another baby. But... I can't always have my cake and eat it too. No pun intended. Does that count as a pun?

Its a beautiful day, I have it off and I am going to enjoy it!

200 days and counting!

Yesterday was my 200th day in my streak on MyFitnessPal. That means 200 days since my weightloss/healthy journey began. It doesn't feel like its been that long! As I've said before... I'm glad I started when I did. I didn't wait for "monday". Didn't wait till "the first of the month", or even "first of the year". I just started. What I was currently eating was what was maintaining my obesity/helping me gain more. As hard as it may be for some people to accept, your weight is in your complete control. No one else's. No one is holding a gun to your head, telling you to keep eating. Telling you to eat another cupcake or piece of chicken or slice of pizza or whatever your drug of choice is. I say drug because researchers are now finding that eating certain foods for most people triggers a dopamine release in the brain the same as a drug addict's when they get their fix. It may not be as strong as say, heroine or cocaine, but it is the same thing that happens. You sink your teeth into that pizza or bloomin' onion or doughnut and your brain says "YESSSS!" obviously, that rush soon subsides and the brain wants it again. We are wired biologically to be pleasure seakers. The Good Lord put this in us because it helps us servive in the natural world he first created us in. But nowadays... there are calories galore... too many... and when that gets combined with low nutrition per calorie, you have someone who is literally starving from a nutritional standpoint but yet they are quite noticeably overweight or obese. You've got to eat nutritious foods. Sure, treats are fun now and then. Like Sunday... I ate fried Calamari and Fish n Chips! (Probably why I only lost 0.4 pounds this week haha) but it was a fun treat, I enjoyed it and am done with it. That's the first time in months I have eaten anything deep fried. I don't do it everyday or I will blow back up to my obese self. 

So yeah. Not to lecture, but that stuff has been on my mind lately.

Anywaaayyysss things have been going aight. Like I said, cheat meal happened on Sunday evening. And I went a little over my calories on friday and saturday so today my weight is 127.2. I'm totally happy with that. I have been sick now with a bad cold for over a week. Despite that, I still have the energy to train for our half marathon. The mileage has been low (5 miles was my biggest run this week) but at least I'm getting out there! Never before would I have been able to comfortably run 5 miles with a sinus infection!! I guarantee you, it is because of what I have been eating. I eat to fuel my body now. Not to please my tongue. (Ok, sometimes I please my tongue...).

I think that's pretty much it for this week. Thanks for reading :)

Transformation pic I forgot to post here!:

Whoosh!

Last Sunday (Superbowl) I pigged out to the max. I seriously ate so much food. Chips, dip, nuts, celery dipped in blue cheese dressing, strawberry/banana skewers, homemade jalapeño poppers (baked instead of deep fried, but still...) and probably like 20 hot wings and honey bbq wings. Oh and 2 Shock Top beers. I was so full, it hurt. I weighed in monday morning 5 pounds heavier than the previous Friday. So I dropped my calories back down to 1220 and got back on track. I know a lot of that was just my body bloating and retaining water from all the sodium I consumed, (my fingers were noticeably swollen by bedtime) but I have another dietbet round ending on the 21st and I need to be 128 for that. 

Well I took a peek on the scale yesterday and hadn't lost much weight. So all day yesterday I drank tons of water! (109 ounces... no joke) It helped my cravings and then this morning I got on the scale and put up 129.8!!!!!! I can't believe it!!! I'm in the 120's!!!! And the fabled "whoosh" is real! Haha. So yeah that is some crazy stuff!! Hard work is paying off!! The scale seriously said that! 

My cousin Rebecca and I finished our distance training yesterday! Today we did a shorter run with my other cousin Gabriella (Rebecca's sister) but tomorrow we plan to begin our crazy intense speed training. Yay! Its supposed to be 5 days/week but I doubt we will be able to train that much. We'll try though! We have 12 weeks till the race. Just enough time to complete the program if we stay on track. So we might not complete it but every little bit will help our time. week one starts us out just running 4 miles but we have to really push our speed. So that's totally do-able.

Wow I'm in the 120's... sorry I just remembered! Haha

I went shopping a few days ago at the thrift store my sister Julia works at (one of the Crossing The Jordan stores. The boutique-y one in Rohnert Park) and got a whole bunch of new (to me) clothes! Its still a strange cool feeling to go right to the "small" section to shop. I can pick out cute things and know they won't "make me look fat". Among the things I bought was a pair of jeans size 3. They are still about 2 sizes too small. I can barely button them. But they are my new "goal" jeans! They are actually the right length too haha. Jeans have almost always been too long on me for as long as I can remember.

There they are! Can't wait till they fit! 

So that's this week's update! Hope your day goes well and all! 

Get yo head in the game!

Well, as of today I am the same weight as I was the last time I wrote, two weeks ago. This morning I was 131.2. Which is a good weight, I'm not complaining by any means, but I've just been maintaining my weight lately and I feel like I need to recommit to my goals. I keep having "cheat days" which turn into "cheat weekends". It isn't even bad food. Just more food than I should be having in order to continue towards my fitness goals. Especially when I go to my parent's. I just want to join in the fun there and enjoy myself! But. Time to buckle down again. by the end of February I want to put up a 126. That's about a 5 pound loss for February. Easily achievable.

Training has been going well. Rebecca and I are right on track! On Tuesday, she didn't have time to run so I just ran alone. Decided to try to do a fast 5K and see how my speed was. I thought I wouldn't do very well since we've been training for distance so much lately but I put up a brand new PR! Sub-25 minutes with a 24:46! Over a minute faster than my previous best. I don't know how it happened. I just went HARD the whole time. Sprinted the last 0.10 miles. And it just happened. I think this next week is our last week of distance training and then we will begin our speed training.

I officially won two more Diet Bets as of today! They are still finalizing other player's numbers so I won't know how much money I have won until another day and a half but I expect it to be around $100. So that is pretty cool :)
and I signed up for a few more to keep my motivation going and to kick February into higher gear! I figure I can pay for the new ones with my current winnings and then once I win the new ones, THAT money can go for my Human Race entrance fee and whatever else.

My husband Daniel has been doing amazing still! he had a cheat day last Sunday and still managed to put up an incredible loss this week! He's losing more than what most people recommend, but he started out at a higher weight and so its different than if someone like me was to be putting up numbers like that. Once again, he's going to be posting a blog which I will share on my facebook, so I don't want to give away his stats... But it has been a month so he is posting some non-scale victories and they are shocking!

Sunday is Superbowl Sunday. We are going to my sister-in-law's new place for a party. We'll be bringing hot wings, bbq wings, and some healthy appetizers and deserts. That will keep me on track. I may have a beer or two, we'll see what my calories allow for, haha. I will probably let myself go over a little, since I'm only at the beginning of the month and diet bets, but I'm not going to pig out a ton and eat too much. I will be avoiding potato chips and dip, as that is one of my food weaknesses and once I have one, I just can't seem to stop. So that is my battle plan.
Valentine's day is coming up soon too. I plan to just have a few of whatever sweets I get. Just a little treat or two. Won't let myself pig out. I need to focus on myself again. Get my head in the game!
Since I've only lost another 5 pounds since my last progress pictures I'm still not posting any new ones. Maybe by the end of this month there will be a noticeable change if I drop another 5 pounds.

I really really need to stop procrastinating weight training. I am a cardio gal. Heck, I have lost over 40 pounds with cardio! But I seriously need to do some squats, deadlifts, work my arms and my core. I need to just buckle down, lift the heavy weights, and get stronger. my arms are too skinny. They need some meat on them. (actual meat, not more fat...)

I have been feeling guilty lately for being this thin. I had a few comments from a couple people (who are overweight themselves) that I need to make sure I "don't go too far" and "You will not look good if you lose more weight. It will just be gross. 120 is WAAAYYY too thin for you!" (Nevermind the fact that it is a PERFECTLY NORMAL weight for someone of my height. that would only be like a 22(ish) on a BMI scale. I would have to weigh less than 108 for it to be considered underweight. and I don't think its possible to weigh that little and still maintain the muscles I have. Seriously. I will never get THAT skinny.
But yeah, after those comments I have been feeling bad and self-conscious and afraid to lose more weight kinda. That's one reason why I didn't post a blog last week. I guess I'm just afraid of people thinking I'm getting too thin. But I seriously am not! Maybe I should post more pics so you can see I still have a very flabby stomach. I know that's a lot of pregnancy loose skin but trust me, there is plenty of fat in there still. And I want a version of a 6-pack by summer so, ya know. Gotta cut the fat and grow the muscles. 120 is just a goal. its more about what I look like now than what the scale says. It is just a number I'm shooting for, but the real finish line will be that stomach definition. You know what, I'll do it. I'll show you guys my stomach when I DON'T suck it in:

Yeah, there... you see? Def not too skinny. Its very squishy and jiggly and flabby. Not anything compared to what it used to be, but I look 15 weeks pregnant if I don't suck it in! Again, not complaining. I guess I'm just trying to justify my goals? So there! Haha well that's all for now. Thanks for reading!

Oh wait! I almost forgot to show you guys this picture! I must have been 13/14 in it and I am obviously woofing down nachos. This was in my very chubby days. My sister Julia found it and sent it to me a couple days ago:

Ugh, SO embarrassing! The ultimate "fatty" picture! Ok bye for reals now :)

Greener grass

Everyday I keep going. Everyday I'm doing this. It has become a lifestyle for me... keeping track of what I eat, seeking out healthier versions of my old favorite foods, running a heck of a lot. I think, sleep and breathe it now. I LOVE the new body I have and what it is capable of. I can run and bounce around, playing kangaroo with Hailie, I feel so free!! I used to look down and I felt trapped with all this fat stuck to me. I was in Petaluma last Sunday for my birthday (24 now, woop woop!), walking down E. Washington street and realized I wasn't trying to tuck my muffin top into my pants. I wasn't subconscously paranoid about a bulge sticking out somewhere. Didn't have to try to suck it in for pictures. I was just free. Holding hands with Hailie as we walked around the seed bank there. So free. And it is wonderful! I wasn't wearing baggy clothes either!

This morning I weighed in at 131.2. So that's better. I think that's a 2 pound loss... the max of what I want to be losing every week. But I should probably still eat more calories.
My cousin Rebecca and I are getting better at running! We did a run this morning (6.33 miles out past Cotati over some hills out in the country... BREATHTAKING.) and our average miles were almost exactly at 9 minutes/mile. Which is suddenly a huge jump in speed and I don't know how or why. You'd think the hills would have killed us, but we kicked butt! Got a great calorie burn in!

My husband Daniel started losing weight too, just a couple weeks ago and I can already see a difference! I won't give away his stats because he has a blog too that he will probably post later and I don't want to steal his thunder but he is doing FANTASTIC. He will blow you away with his progress! He is so driven and commited! He seems stronger in all this than I was! Especially when I first started. He is so inspiring, be on the lookout for his post soon! I'll put a link in my facebook when he posts his!

So other than that stuff, my legs have gotten some crazy definition going on! I have skinny ankles and big feet so it looks like I have frog legs but check it!:

Oh, and excuse the messy room!

Day 152

Well I hopped on the scale this morning and it said 133.6! So I lost like 3 or 4 punds this week which is more than I should be losing. So I'm upping my calories to 1600/day. But I  am now sub-previous goal!
I assume its from the 10k training... massive calorie burn.

Speaking of the training, its going very well! My trusty running buddy and cousin, Rebecca and I are up to running about 5 miles now (with our short walks every 2000 yards, as prescribed by our program). That doesnt include warm up/cool down distances. We are almost finished with week 2. Just need to run tomorrow. 10k is the equivalent of 6.2 miles, so we have a little ways to go before we're putting up that number. 4 more weeks to be exact. Then its on to speed training! Its way more fun to run with a friend than to run alone. To me anyway.

It has been easier to eat clean now with my husband on board doing the same thing as I am. No more junk food temptations in the house haha.
So I just wanted to give a little update. My stomach has noticeably gotten flatter. Here's my measurements:

Last time (12/13)           Today:

Arm: 10.5"                      Arm: 10"

Waist: 29.5"                   Waist: 29"

Hips: 34.5"                     Hips: 34.5"

Thigh: 22"                      Thigh: 21"

Calf: 14.25"                    Calf: 14"

So I have definitely lost inches everywhere but my hips! Fine by me! I feel so free! Its fun :)

So yeah that about wraps it up for today.

Here's some motivation:   :)

Update

I feel good starting the new year off like this. I just ran 5 days in a row! Still working off those holiday treats. I forgot to weigh in this morning before i chugged 24oz of water but when I did, I was 136.4. So I have definitely lost weight again.

My cousin Rebecca recently moved back home from North Carolina and we have been running a lot. She lived there for almost a year with her brother's family while he was deployed (he's a marine).
So she's back now and we are running buddies! We are training for a 10k race in May! (The Human Race.)

I finished my 5k improver app program this week and so we both started a 5 to 10k program yesterday! My calorie burn is already doubled and we aren't even running full 10k's yet!
So I'll be taking a break from working on my speed for 6 weeks of 10k training. Then we will start a 5days/week grueling 10k speed improvement program, hopefully finishing just before the race!
So yeah lots of cool exciting things on the horizon! I'm thinking of doing a few more diet bets to pay for it. Its only $35 but hey, if I can win my entry fee, that would be great :)

Other than that, everything has been pretty good. I've been staying on track with my eating. Been working in the garden a little. Doing some prep for spring. I get sprung fever too early every year. But I'm planning where everything will go, picking out seeds, turning soil etc.

New Things

Sorry I didn't write on Christmas Eve! I got really busy. I weighed in at 137.4. Which I'm alright with. I have been enjoying lots of goodies. Since reaching my goal, I have seen that I am going to be challenged in this, probably for the rest of my life.
I'm going to attempt to get down to 120 by my mom's birthday: April 17th. If a versian of a 6-pack emerges before 120, then I will stop there. But as long as I'm not pregnant, I want to see if I can have some abs!

I probably won't write in every week, but I will still write now and then for anyone interested. I feel like everyone (including me!) Is waiting and watching to see if I can keep the weight off. I have total confidence in myself that I will. It will be a whole new learning process. I will have to figure out how many calories I need to maintain my new weight.

I won all of my diet bets! I got a total of $135.47. Not bad! I had bet $88.something so that's almost a $50 gain! I'm thinking of using a little of my christmas money to do another. It really does help motivate, to know you have money on the line.

I had a new personal best on my 5K today! 25:57 is my new best now. Broke that 26 minute line!
Previous was 26:27, so exactly 30 seconds faster! Which I'm surprised about because I have been eating so much and gained a little. Just last night at my parent's I ate quiche, champagne, cookies (4), roast beef (a lot...) candy canes and a half of a giant baked potato (with butter... lots of butter). I usually run terribly the morning after a heavy hearty meal like that. But you won't catch me complaining!
You know what I have noticed? Weighted squats and deadlifts improve my speed by A LOT. Everytime I do them, once my muscles heal, I lose at least a minute off my time. I am going to do more and more of them now!

I really wanted to include progress pics in this post but I haven't taken any. I didn't want to put off writing this post any longer though. Sooooo oh well. Next time I guess.

I am so happy with how far I have come. Its crazy to think just this past summer I was miserable and thought it must be impossible to lose weight. There's nothing stopping you but yourself. The sky is the limit! So until next time, cheers and happy New Year!!

Mission Accomplished :)

You guys, I did it!! I DID IT!

it took 124 days. Running over 314 miles. (That doesn't include the miles I have walked)

Counting almost every calorie. I have lost 37.6 pounds and finally hit my goal! OMG!

There it is my friends, 135 pounds, right on the money this morning! I did it!! 

as for measurements:

Last week:                Today:

Arms 10.5"                 10.5"

Waist 29.75"              29.5"

Hips 35.5"                  34.5"

Thighs 22"                 22"

Calves 14.25"            14.25"

In case anyone questions whether or not I did it healthily, I lost an average of 2.12 pounds per week... which is a little more than recommended, but I started at an obese weight and it came off really quickly in the beginning, before I even started blogging. I ate on average, 1400 calories a day. Exercised a minimum of 4 days a week. I used the C25K program (apps available) to get into running. I went from barely being able to jog for 60 seconds without being out of breath, to being able to run 5K (3.11 miles) in 27:11 (yep, new PR last Saturday!)

Believe me, I get all my vitamins and minerals, meet my macros, and I feel amazing. my nails are healthier and grow faster. my hair is long, full and shiny. I have lots of muscle (and am working on building more now!)

It also is worth mentioning that i have continued to successfully nurse Hailie throughout this whole weight loss journey. If I wasn't eating enough for my body needs, that wouldn't have worked.

I have more energy than I know what to do with. I have no problem getting on the floor and playing with my little 1 year old daughter for however long she wants. I'm not done yet. I can weigh as little as 108 pounds and still be considered "normal" and healthy. I'm probably not going to get down that low ever, but I'm thinking of shooting for the 100-and-teens. 

Here's a couple screenshots from my weight-tracking app today:

As you can see, the weight came off really fast at first, and then everything settled into a pretty steady pace. 

For now, I have a few more days of my diet bet games... I needed to be 137.3 in order to win, and I have surpassed that. So a few more days of maintaining or losing more and then I will enjoy some Christmas treats (in moderation!) enough to maintain my weight. After New Year's, I will start Operation Six-Pack! haha. I don't know what that would look like, seeing as I have stretch marks and loose stomach skin. But I will try to get as close as I can. Don't know what that weight would be, but there is still a good layer of blubber over my stomach. Won't be very hard. I'm going to try to lose at a slower rate though, It has been coming off faster than I want, for the past week. My goal now is to be, look, and feel FIT. not skinny, but fit. 

The above picture is me at the start... about 172 pounds. Obese. Unhappy. Lying to myself about my body. And the picture on the right is today. 135 and i feel 100% different.

I used to avoid ever getting on the scale. I would tell myself I wasn't really that fat. I made jokes about my stomach. I hated how I felt though. I had to get honest, buckle down and just do it. It was really hard sometimes. You guys have been reading this most of the time. I battled myself more than anything. There were nights when I REALLY wanted to stuff my face. My stomach can be a bottomless, black hole of a pit. This is not over. Reaching my goal is by no means a license to go back to the way things were. granted, I DO have to eat more calories in order to stop losing weight, but I will gain it all back if I stop eating healthy and clean. Those old habits are right there waiting for me to let my guard down. I will NEVER weigh that much again!! (unless I'm actually pregnant... then it is possible.)

Definitely won't get up to the previous highest pregnancy weight of 205 pounds. 

One thing I just have to write about... a couple times I have felt bad about writing all this thinking of readers who are bigger than my biggest... I have been afraid that they read it and criticize me for feeling too fat when I'm so much smaller than them. I have been afraid that they would say to me "yeah right, you don't know what its like to REALLY be fat." I know I may not have ever been SUPER fat, but medically I WAS OBESE. Not morbidly, but still. For me personally, it was too much. For me personally, I still have too much fat on my stomach. Everyone's journey is different. I want to be here for anyone and anyone looking for support or a way out. I lost just shy of 40 pounds. in almost 5 months. Maybe you weigh WAYYYY more than I ever did, and feel like its impossible. Don't buy in to the message that losing weight is impossible. I DID it! most of my readers actually KNOW ME. They have seen it all in person! I am surprised that I have really done it. I really am... because I used to believe it wasn't really possible. "I just can't seem to ever lose this weight!" I'd seen other people do it, and wish it was me. WISH NO MORE, PEOPLE. YOU CAN DO IT. I'm gonna pay it forward, and if anyone wants help, I will help!! Message me on facebook, or email me at dalahshawty@yahoo.com and I will do my best to help you. I can give you personalized calorie goals, workout schedules, meal plans, all the support you need, whatever it is. I'm serious, I feel so amazing, I long for everyone struggling with their weight to feel this way!! Now I see people at the store, or wherever and I see myself in their shoes. The old me. and I know how to help now! I know how to lose all that extra weight! Hopefully I don't sound cocky or conceited, like I'm "so smart" or "so cool" or something. I'm just really honestly SO excited about all of this. Please know, my heart is never to judge or anything... because I HAVE BEEN THERE. Not having anything to wear because I have grown out of all my clothes. Not caring anymore. I have been there. But I found the way out, and I can help you get out too! It takes a hell of a lot of commitment, but just about anyone can do it. 

I will write again with a weigh-in on Christmas Eve, because that was my goal date, and I want to see what I really weigh on that day. Thank you for following me on this journey, all the supportive comments have helped me more than you guys know. There were days I wanted to just give up, eat a ton of food, whatever and I thought of all my readers who are rooting for me, and who would have to know I failed. It helped to write about all of this so much. You guys have helped me reach this goal. my BMI is now 23.9 (Healthy) and I started at 30.5 (Obese). Talk to you all on Christmas EVE!!

Are we there yet?

I'm really beginning to notice how a positive attitude has a huuuge impact on my body. The weeks when I get all negative, stressed and down on myself, I lose almost nothing. And then the weeks where I keep my head up, focus, stay positive, upbeat and happy, I suddenly drop a ton of weight. Even if Daniel and I DID bake Chocolate Chip cookies last night and eat 2! (yes, I managed to only eat 2!!)

I know I'm getting closer and closer to my goal, any week now i will hit it! One of my apps is predicting I'll hit it by December 11th so let's see what we have today! *steps on scale*:
136.6!! Another 2 pounds lost! I'm pretty stoked!! Only 1.6 pounds away from goal! I could very well put up 135 next week. Who knows if i will, but it is a very real possibility now!
I'm only 4 pounds away from having lost 40. All through lots of exercise (mainly running) and clean, balanced eating. Never felt deprived. Never suffered.

Oh, and I know I didn't post my measurements last week. It was really cold and I was lazy. But here are this week's!

Today:                             Previously (11/22/13):
Arm: 10.5"                     Arm: 11"
Waist: 29.75"                 Waist: 30"
Hips: 35.5"                     Hips: 36"
Thighs: 22"                     Thighs: 22.5"
Calf: 14.25"                    Calf: 14.25"

Its really important that I see drops in those numbers when I see drops on the scale. Because then I know I am losing fat. Not just water or muscle weight. So I am happy with those numbers today :)

I am having to curb my running a little bit. I'm getting a good amount of pain in my right foot. Its like... above the arch, on the side of my foot. There's these bones and the one closer to my ankle has been killing me if i run on road that is slanted to the left. If i run on even ground, or ground slanted to the right, its all gravy. But otherwise, its bad. Especially if i go for more than 3.1 miles (5k). Here, I'll use the ole' Google to show you which bones:

Pretty sure its one of the joints on the "Tuberosity" bone. I think its the "Talocalcaneonavicular joint". That's exactly where the pain is. Really weird place, it seems like.

Any of my running readers know a cause/solution? I think it must be my form. If I make a conscious effort to keep that foot straight when running, it seems to help. I twisted or sprained (or whatever) that ankle several times in the past and I think it could have had something to do with that? Then again, this is a fairly new problem... not more than a month old so maybe its my new shoes? I got them the last week of October.
This really sucks though, many times I have to just go for a walk instead of running. I can't get faster if I can't train enough! And its not going to help my weight loss pace.

Anyways, besides the foot, everything has been going pretty good. I'll do a progress pic when I make goal weight. I continue to be inspired by a lot of fitness page posts on Instagram (follow me: heartsonfire707)
So here are a few from this week:

And what was your excuse again?

Now on to a new week!

Back on track

Not sure if it was because I had the stomach flu on Wednesday, or I worked really hard (probably mostly the stomach flu)
But the scale on Thursday (yesterday) morning said 137.2!!!
But... because I'm sure I was still dehydrated from Wednesday, I'm going to use today's weight of 138.6.
I said last week that I was going to use Thursday morning's weight because I thought a huge thanksgiving dinner would throw off my weight but that was before I got sick.
I still wasn't myself last night and I could hardly eat at all. Pretty disappointing. I didn't even eat dessert. But it works out great for my weight loss. I only have 3.6 more pounds to go and 3.5 weeks to do it. I'm so close! Light at the end of the tunnel is in sight.

I haven't worked out since tuesday. I hope to be strong enough to run tomorrow. I had a new 5k PR! It was 27:38 on 11/23 (last Saturday) my previous was 28:55 so that was a big improvent!

I was a lot less stressed this past week. I felt much happier and confident. I'm really trying to enjoy the new me more, and be proud of myself.

I found a $10 bill out on the sidewalk on wednesday. I was going to try to go for a walk (even though I was sick) because I set my GymPact app pact for 7 days/week. So if I didn't walk at least, I'd get charged $5 for not working out that day. But since I found the $10 I figured that was from God so I didn't have to go haha
:)

So all in all, its been a good week! I'm very happy with where I'm at and confident that I will reach my goals!
I have high hopes for winning my
http://www.dietbetter.com/games/28061
Games! (That link will take you to the game I'm in with the highest pot. Really cool)
So there we have it. Little post-Thanksgibing blog for y'all :)

Stalled out >:(

I have been wracked with nerves this week. I'm not sure what caused it, but I feel almost sure I haven't lost weight. So time to get on the scale and get out the tape measure:

Scale says 140.6... that's exactly where I was last week. I was right... no weight lost.
Its really really annoying and frustrating. It is kind of to be expected though. From what I have read, that is typical after a week or 2 of really rapid weight loss. But I didn't mean to lose so quickly! It just happened on its own!

Arms were 11.5"
Waist 30"
Hips 36"
Thighs 22.5"
Calves 14.25

Everything is the same as last week except I guess I lost 1/4" off my calves. So maybe I gained muscle? To be honest, my arms are a little more defined and I ran 5.5 miles on wednesday which is farther than I've ever gone and I was sore from it so maybe that added some muscle?
Sigh. I would be lying if I said I wasn't dissapointed. But oh well. What are you gonna do, ya know? Gotta push harder this week.

I have 6 days until Thanksgiving. I might weigh in thanksgiving morning instead of the next day because I KNOW I will have a bunch of food in me that will effect everything. I'm not going to binge, but I plan on enjoying a piece of pie and a serving of the things I like. Probably gonna have a huge guilt trip afterwards though.
Maybe I'm taking this all too seriously? Its tiring obsessing over this stuff. So that makes me wonder if I should just relax and have a cheat day again? But then I think "no! You didn't lose anything this week!"
I bet I will put up a good number next week. Since I lost nothing this week.

I SOOOOO wanted to be in the 130's by this week! Guess I was too presumptuous last week when I said I was sure I would do it this week. That's what I get, I suppose. Pride goeth before the fall.

Part of what has been causing my fears and anxiety over all this, is I joined this online betting site called dietbetter.com. each game is different, but for example, you put in $25 to join. Everyone in that game puts in $25. The bet is, you have 28 days to lose 4% of your body weight. That's almost goal weight for me so I was like "I'm sure I can do it!" Everyone who completes the 4% weight loss wins, and splits the pot with other winners. It is a GREAT motivational tool and I have found a lot of the people on the sight are very supportive! Everyone there has the same goal as you. It is a great concept! Now that I have so much money on the line though, I'm scared out of my mind that something is gonna happen and I won't lose the weight! (And today's results aren't helping). You can join up to 3 games at once. Which I am guilty of. They all end December 15th and final weigh in is December 15th-17th. I could win alot of money... one of the game pots is over $13,000. I will keep you all updated on the game. I'm so nervous!
But I know I can do it. I have to be strong and keep going! Today won't hold me back. It can't. It sucks really bad, but I have to keep going. No more little snacks here and there. "Just one bite" DOES hurt.
Gonna go hard this week on the workouts!!

<a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/4239/1699/42391699.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Free Calorie Counter</a></small></p>

Exciting results this week!

Well it has been quite a week! New achievements (ran my first real 5k race!), new goals to set (10k race, or another 5k?) And ongoing challenges! Like hoping to lose weight enough to reach my goal!

After the race I treated myself to a doughnut. I did it, and I liked it. And I had JUST ONE. I felt fine after, until I noticed the next 24 hrs my cravings were elevated. And I felt like I was failing at weight loss even though it was just one. Which got me thinkin... that happens every time I eat junk food. Luckily the next day (last Sunday) I managed to do alright but usually when I eat food that isn't healthy, I feel like I'm failing. When I feel like I'm failing, I start to think about quitting. When i think of quitting, i tend to eat more bad food. Or too much food. I feel lethargic. Like I should just give up and give in to these newly resurfaced cravings. It starts off this chain reaction inside my head. I have to consciously stop, force myself to break free of the downward spiral, no matter how hard it is and just get back at it the next day. Its a new day, fresh start... "I can do this. I WILL do this." ...and that's how I do it. Its weird cause even with the doughnut, I was under my calorie goal, yet it still set off the negative chain reaction. I ate something extremely dense in calories with very little nutritional value. My goal is the opposite: I want to pack a punch in nutrition with every calorie I eat. It isn't all about staying in that calorie limit. Its about getting all your nutrients in with those calories. And you know what? The days when I eat really well I do not at all feel deprived or hungry still. Because my body has been given the fuel it needed. It is pretty easy for me to feel happy and satisfied on just 1300 calories a day - as long as I eat the right foods! Junk food leaves me hungry again within an hour because my body still needs more nutrients! So that was just a little observation :)

I have been thinking about what my new running goals should be. I want to get under 25 minutes for a 5k. I know my race time was 23:47 but that is RACE TIME. obviously the adrenaline rush and all the people around me had me running way faster than normal and thankfully I trained enough to have the stamina to get me to the finish, but I wanna be able to do that on any given day. After I do that and during my training I want to start doing longer distances. Maybe by spring I can run a 10k or a half marathon! I want to work on speed still but endurance running is where the calorie burn will be at. If I can run for 2 hours, I will burn more calories than running 3.1 miles (5k) as fast as I can. Its science.

I am thrilled to be where I am today. It is shocking! 

Last week I was 145.6. Today I stepped on the scale and I kid you not, I am 142.8!!! Almost 3 pounds lost, my only explanation is that maybe I was carrying some extra water weight the last few weeks? The only thing I did different was that I balanced my calories better throughout the day. What I mean by that is, I ate bigger breakfasts and smaller dinners. Usually I just have oatmeal (150 cals) for breakfast, and a 400 calorie salad for lunch, a small fruit or veggie snack and then spend all the rest of my calories on a good dinner. But most days this week I had a more filling breakfast and a smaller dinner. I don't know if that made the difference but man... here is a pic to prove it!!!

Oh and my measurements:
Last week's arms: 12" Today: 11.5"

Last week's waist: 31" Today: 30.5"

Last week's hips: 37.5" Today 36.5"

Last week's thighs: 23" Today: 22.5

Last week's calves: 15" Today: 14.5"

I'm glad I gave myself a weight loss goal challenging enough, yet achievable. At first I was gonna make my goal to weigh 145. But I was like "what if I can do better? If I'm really gonna do this, why not go as far as I want and think I really can?" Get out of that comfort zone. Take a risk. Challenge yourself! I know I haven't met my goal yet, but I'm almost there! I'm really going to do it! 46 more days to lose 7.8 pounds! That means I only need to lose 1.2 pounds a week now. But I'm not going to stop doing what I'm doing. I'm not gonna go easy on myself. maybe I can pass 135 on Christmas Eve! I will probably skip my weigh in the Friday before December 24th and just weigh in on my actual Christmas Eve goal day. 

I'm glad I didn't limit myself to just trying to get down to 145! Because I have passed that now! I officially weigh less than I can ever remember weighing. When I was a kid, I was normal and skinny. So I never thought twice about what I weighed. I tried dieting during my teenage years and the lowest I can ever remember getting down to was 146. So now I have beaten that. It is quite an accomplishment

All of that, but i need to remind myself I'm not "there" yet. I have a long way to go still.
Just when I think I've gotten really skinny, I get a piece of humble pie. There's always a little something that reminds me I'm still medically overweight. Like a reflection in a store window as I walk past, a tshirt I thought I was finally small enough to wear, or something else throughout the day. I don't want to be rail thin. Just want all my extra fat to be gone! I want to be fit. I want to walk and see ripples of muscle working. Not fat. I can't believe such a short time ago I was obese. Now I'm just overweight. At the time I started, I would have given anything to be where I'm at now, and I would have been satisfied. But now that I've come this far, I know I can go all the way and I know the body I could have. So I won't be satisfied till I get there! I have figured out what my next weight loss goal will be, but I'm not gonna tell until I reach my goal weight ;) mwahahaha

Most of this week was good. I tried running with Hailie in the jogging stroller twice. She didn't much care for it and the stupid stroller constantly turns to the left like a really bad shopping cart. Imagine trying to run less than 10 minute miles with that... my knees hurt from trying to twist it the opposite directoon the whole time. And one of my shoulders. I just feel really bad though trying to find someone to watch Hailie 5X a week for up to an hour without paying them. I feel guilty like I'm just using everyone. I tell myself it isn't true, and they insist they are happy to watch her, but deep down, I feel bad.
ANYWAYYYS so if you see or hear of a free jogging stroller that works, holler at me haha.

On a completely unrelated note, Eminem's new album is so good! (MMLP2). One of the songs is stuck in my head right now. But I don't know all the words yet so I just have this one part in my head. Anyways, good running music on that album!

Here's a progress pic followed by my weekly motivating pics I find on instagram: