Still At It

I haven't written anything in a long time because I have been sucking at fitness. I'm probably like 138 lbs right now. still not overweight, but getting close to that line (for my height) according to BMI charts. Which- I know are not the end-all, be-all with measuring your fitness level but whatever. Its a good general guideline.

I had a crazy busy summer. worked 60+ hours almost every week. not really much time for exercise. I was always tired. any free hour I had, I wanted to spend it with my husband and Hailie. Or, if Daniel was working, I wanted to be over at my parent's casa. I made myself run MAYBE twice a week (and that's a generous average). But my speed and endurance went way down. I gained a good 15 pounds. I always thought that once I had my own place, everything would be easier than ever. In many ways it is... but indulgence is more tempting than ever. I love just hanging out at home, cozy on the couch, watching Netflix, or reading articles on my phone... I love running and fitness still but I guess I still have a lazy gene haha.

Eating right has become a chore for me. I keep feeding myself crappy, processed, unhealthy foods and naturally, of course my nutrient starved brain is like "UH, you need to eat some more food..." and its so tasty and and and... you get it. It gets really annoying to count calories. Or just pay attention to what I've been eating. If I'm at work, I'll eat well while I'm there, because I usually pack healthy meals and snacks. Then I get home and eat 6 slices of pizza. or 5 cups of pasta swimming in cheese and salt and pepper... And some Italian seasoning... with the Parmesan on top... sigh.

I have found myself asking myself several times recently... "How the heck did I do it before??" Well, I know HOW I did it... literally... what it takes... the things you do, ways you have to eat... calories you have to burn, etc., etc., etc... But how did I make myself do that? Everyday... for so long? I said no to the pizza at birthday parties... the cake and ice cream...
I remember telling myself "This isn't the last opportunity I will have to taste (insert delicious food here), and I will feel much better about myself tomorrow if I don't eat that.
Nowadays, I have replaced that thought with "I want to eat this so bad! I'm just going to do it!"
Where did my self control go?

I am under more stress now. Money, of course, is at the top of that list. Making it on our own is rewarding in more ways than I can think of at the moment, but the challenges are hard! I'm really into learning about investing money now and I read all kinds of financial articles almost every day.
But back to my point... the stress... Anyone will tell you that stress contributes to weight gain. I should eat better and exercise more to reduce my stress. I'm just lazy sometimes! (a lot of times...)

One thing that I HAVE found to be almost foolproof to getting back on track is to force yourself to have just one victory. Be in the moment and say "I don't need another serving of (whatever food)." or "I don't need just one taste. I am sticking to eating clean and within calorie goal today". I've noticed that if I have just one victory like that, where I follow through and overcome that challenge, the ball is up and rolling again and it snowballs into weeks of eating well. So I start to lose weight again. But, inevitably, something happens. I eat that pizza... and then THAT snowballs... it only takes once... one choice... a good one, or a bad one, to get that ball rolling in whichever respective direction.

As most of you know, I am a nanny. Mon/Tues/Wed and 1 Sunday every 3 weeks, I watch 2, six year old boys.
In the summer, I was pulling 14 hour days with them. Now that they are back in school, I do have that little break in my day and I have been taking advantage of it, running with my mom. We have gone 2 Tuesday mornings in a row now (since I have had the past 2 weeks off cause my boss is on mandatory leave... long story) at 6:30 AM for hill training in Annadel. And I'll be doing a "fun run" tonight at Heart&Sole Sports with the group there. (I got in to it cause my Mama went a few times and makes friends everywhere she goes and is BFFS with everyone there now hahaha ;) love it!)
So that's good. keeping me running. I did 12 Miles this past Sunday and I am feeling it today!
Thursdays and Fridays are the hardest days to fit fitness in to because those days I have another family I nanny for. Just shy of 10 hour days there. But that's life! Nothing new to most people. I have to put on my big girl pants and make myself workout those days too. And eat right.

Another thought I've been having is that I need to set some new running goals for myself. I don't have any races planned in the future. So I just kind of go out for a run... usually a 10k these days. A random number of times every week, no structure to my runs. I haven't been incorporating any speedwork, or endurance training. I think that has me down. I need new shoes really badly (my current ones are probably coming up on (running friends, close your eyes!) 1000+ miles... So that's uninspiring. I'm waiting until Christmas when I will have some gift cards to spend. Hehe.

Oh! One good thing that has gotten me off the couch several times is that we got a puppy! My family hosted a good friend's pregnant German Shepherd and her eventual litter of puppies at their home. It was an accidental breeding. The dad was a Black Lab, so the pups are German Shepradors hahaha (no really, that's a real thing).
Of course we fell in love with the puppies and at 8 weeks, went and bought one :D her name is Katara.
I know... I know... We live in a 1 bedroom apartment with a 20'X12' little yard. And I already have a 12 year old Black Lab, Chloe. "But I'm a competitive runner!" I said. "I'm a high energy person who leads an active lifestyle who would love a dog as a running buddy!" (Chloe is way too old). Now I have to follow through and stick to that commitment. She is still a puppy (17 weeks now) and I have been doing little runs with her since we got her. started out at just a 1 mile jog. slowly progressing to where she can run a 10K now. And I always watch her on a run, making sure she isn't getting tired. And we don't go very fast. I usually let her pace us, and then back off that pace a little. Because (supposedly) too much high impact exercise for a puppy can throw off their growth plates. (idk how much of a problem that really is... I mean if you let a puppy her age play on its own, it is all sprinting, stopping, sprinting again, jumping, tearing through the yard, chasing and play fighting with other dogs etc etc but whatever, better safe than sorry!) She is the best doggie ever! (Stop me if I'm being one of those annoying dog owners who thinks everyone in the world wants to hear all about their dog...)
There are mornings when I really DON'T want to get up at 5:30 to take her out on a bike ride in the dark, before work. But I do it anyways.
She's really fun to take off leash. I know, its against the law most everywhere around here. I guess I'm a rebel. She does amazing off leash, just trotting by my side. or on a trail she will sprint up ahead a little ways, sniff around a little while she waits for me, then start running again when I catch up. She's my real life Lassie.

We found a cool trail along a creek in Rohnert Park, off of Snyder and we went out about 2 miles before we suddenly came up out of the woodsy creek path to a Golf Course. Without a word, we both stopped. Looked at each other. Looked back at the Golf Course. There were people out there golfing and walking and doing other golfy things. I've had other dogs that would have bolted out onto the glorious open grassy fields. (She was off-leash still). She looked back at me and I just said "Well, let's just go back home." And we both simultaneously turned around and started our run back. She moves with me like music. And even if its a first time on a new route, she is better at remembering the way back than I am. She remembered the little hidden turnout path we took to go down by the creek when I wasn't sure. Obviously she possesses some noble wolf-like traits. (I kid). She started up it and looked back at me while I hesitated, looking around making sure it was the right way. She looked like "Well? Come on, its this way!" I could run on a new trail with her in the dark and trust her to lead us back exactly as we came.
Ok, sorry, I truly have become one of those obnoxious people who are obsessed with their dog. And this blog is supposed to be about fitness! So back to that stuff...

I am constantly "trying" (ahhh... there's the problem!) to "get back on track" with everything. I'm tired of it. I know the best way to solve that is to STOP GIVING UP and GIVING IN. I'm usually about a 9:30min/mile lately for my 10k.
Going from an 8:07 Half Marathon (with an injury!) to not being able to get under a 9 for just a 10k leaves me feeling deflated and disappointed. It just goes to show you how much proper nutrition and rest, play into athletic performance. I used to train 3 or 4 days a week. for the past month or so, I've been doing that, but not seeing any improvements. I am undoing all my training by eating too much and eating crap. My same old habits. I'm still me. I still have to battle my gluttonous temptations.

So. Idk. Just feel encouraged that the struggle is real. If you are still out there struggling to achieve your fitness goals, you're not alone. I'm not perfect. I keep on just... not doing what I should be. I'm in a rut. Its hard. I'd love to drop down to 115 lbs of pure muscle, shatter all my race records, sweep every race this next year with 1st places in my division and have another baby. But... I can't always have my cake and eat it too. No pun intended. Does that count as a pun?

Its a beautiful day, I have it off and I am going to enjoy it!

Mission Accomplished :)

You guys, I did it!! I DID IT!

it took 124 days. Running over 314 miles. (That doesn't include the miles I have walked)

Counting almost every calorie. I have lost 37.6 pounds and finally hit my goal! OMG!

There it is my friends, 135 pounds, right on the money this morning! I did it!! 

as for measurements:

Last week:                Today:

Arms 10.5"                 10.5"

Waist 29.75"              29.5"

Hips 35.5"                  34.5"

Thighs 22"                 22"

Calves 14.25"            14.25"

In case anyone questions whether or not I did it healthily, I lost an average of 2.12 pounds per week... which is a little more than recommended, but I started at an obese weight and it came off really quickly in the beginning, before I even started blogging. I ate on average, 1400 calories a day. Exercised a minimum of 4 days a week. I used the C25K program (apps available) to get into running. I went from barely being able to jog for 60 seconds without being out of breath, to being able to run 5K (3.11 miles) in 27:11 (yep, new PR last Saturday!)

Believe me, I get all my vitamins and minerals, meet my macros, and I feel amazing. my nails are healthier and grow faster. my hair is long, full and shiny. I have lots of muscle (and am working on building more now!)

It also is worth mentioning that i have continued to successfully nurse Hailie throughout this whole weight loss journey. If I wasn't eating enough for my body needs, that wouldn't have worked.

I have more energy than I know what to do with. I have no problem getting on the floor and playing with my little 1 year old daughter for however long she wants. I'm not done yet. I can weigh as little as 108 pounds and still be considered "normal" and healthy. I'm probably not going to get down that low ever, but I'm thinking of shooting for the 100-and-teens. 

Here's a couple screenshots from my weight-tracking app today:

As you can see, the weight came off really fast at first, and then everything settled into a pretty steady pace. 

For now, I have a few more days of my diet bet games... I needed to be 137.3 in order to win, and I have surpassed that. So a few more days of maintaining or losing more and then I will enjoy some Christmas treats (in moderation!) enough to maintain my weight. After New Year's, I will start Operation Six-Pack! haha. I don't know what that would look like, seeing as I have stretch marks and loose stomach skin. But I will try to get as close as I can. Don't know what that weight would be, but there is still a good layer of blubber over my stomach. Won't be very hard. I'm going to try to lose at a slower rate though, It has been coming off faster than I want, for the past week. My goal now is to be, look, and feel FIT. not skinny, but fit. 

The above picture is me at the start... about 172 pounds. Obese. Unhappy. Lying to myself about my body. And the picture on the right is today. 135 and i feel 100% different.

I used to avoid ever getting on the scale. I would tell myself I wasn't really that fat. I made jokes about my stomach. I hated how I felt though. I had to get honest, buckle down and just do it. It was really hard sometimes. You guys have been reading this most of the time. I battled myself more than anything. There were nights when I REALLY wanted to stuff my face. My stomach can be a bottomless, black hole of a pit. This is not over. Reaching my goal is by no means a license to go back to the way things were. granted, I DO have to eat more calories in order to stop losing weight, but I will gain it all back if I stop eating healthy and clean. Those old habits are right there waiting for me to let my guard down. I will NEVER weigh that much again!! (unless I'm actually pregnant... then it is possible.)

Definitely won't get up to the previous highest pregnancy weight of 205 pounds. 

One thing I just have to write about... a couple times I have felt bad about writing all this thinking of readers who are bigger than my biggest... I have been afraid that they read it and criticize me for feeling too fat when I'm so much smaller than them. I have been afraid that they would say to me "yeah right, you don't know what its like to REALLY be fat." I know I may not have ever been SUPER fat, but medically I WAS OBESE. Not morbidly, but still. For me personally, it was too much. For me personally, I still have too much fat on my stomach. Everyone's journey is different. I want to be here for anyone and anyone looking for support or a way out. I lost just shy of 40 pounds. in almost 5 months. Maybe you weigh WAYYYY more than I ever did, and feel like its impossible. Don't buy in to the message that losing weight is impossible. I DID it! most of my readers actually KNOW ME. They have seen it all in person! I am surprised that I have really done it. I really am... because I used to believe it wasn't really possible. "I just can't seem to ever lose this weight!" I'd seen other people do it, and wish it was me. WISH NO MORE, PEOPLE. YOU CAN DO IT. I'm gonna pay it forward, and if anyone wants help, I will help!! Message me on facebook, or email me at dalahshawty@yahoo.com and I will do my best to help you. I can give you personalized calorie goals, workout schedules, meal plans, all the support you need, whatever it is. I'm serious, I feel so amazing, I long for everyone struggling with their weight to feel this way!! Now I see people at the store, or wherever and I see myself in their shoes. The old me. and I know how to help now! I know how to lose all that extra weight! Hopefully I don't sound cocky or conceited, like I'm "so smart" or "so cool" or something. I'm just really honestly SO excited about all of this. Please know, my heart is never to judge or anything... because I HAVE BEEN THERE. Not having anything to wear because I have grown out of all my clothes. Not caring anymore. I have been there. But I found the way out, and I can help you get out too! It takes a hell of a lot of commitment, but just about anyone can do it. 

I will write again with a weigh-in on Christmas Eve, because that was my goal date, and I want to see what I really weigh on that day. Thank you for following me on this journey, all the supportive comments have helped me more than you guys know. There were days I wanted to just give up, eat a ton of food, whatever and I thought of all my readers who are rooting for me, and who would have to know I failed. It helped to write about all of this so much. You guys have helped me reach this goal. my BMI is now 23.9 (Healthy) and I started at 30.5 (Obese). Talk to you all on Christmas EVE!!

Are we there yet?

I'm really beginning to notice how a positive attitude has a huuuge impact on my body. The weeks when I get all negative, stressed and down on myself, I lose almost nothing. And then the weeks where I keep my head up, focus, stay positive, upbeat and happy, I suddenly drop a ton of weight. Even if Daniel and I DID bake Chocolate Chip cookies last night and eat 2! (yes, I managed to only eat 2!!)

I know I'm getting closer and closer to my goal, any week now i will hit it! One of my apps is predicting I'll hit it by December 11th so let's see what we have today! *steps on scale*:
136.6!! Another 2 pounds lost! I'm pretty stoked!! Only 1.6 pounds away from goal! I could very well put up 135 next week. Who knows if i will, but it is a very real possibility now!
I'm only 4 pounds away from having lost 40. All through lots of exercise (mainly running) and clean, balanced eating. Never felt deprived. Never suffered.

Oh, and I know I didn't post my measurements last week. It was really cold and I was lazy. But here are this week's!

Today:                             Previously (11/22/13):
Arm: 10.5"                     Arm: 11"
Waist: 29.75"                 Waist: 30"
Hips: 35.5"                     Hips: 36"
Thighs: 22"                     Thighs: 22.5"
Calf: 14.25"                    Calf: 14.25"

Its really important that I see drops in those numbers when I see drops on the scale. Because then I know I am losing fat. Not just water or muscle weight. So I am happy with those numbers today :)

I am having to curb my running a little bit. I'm getting a good amount of pain in my right foot. Its like... above the arch, on the side of my foot. There's these bones and the one closer to my ankle has been killing me if i run on road that is slanted to the left. If i run on even ground, or ground slanted to the right, its all gravy. But otherwise, its bad. Especially if i go for more than 3.1 miles (5k). Here, I'll use the ole' Google to show you which bones:

Pretty sure its one of the joints on the "Tuberosity" bone. I think its the "Talocalcaneonavicular joint". That's exactly where the pain is. Really weird place, it seems like.

Any of my running readers know a cause/solution? I think it must be my form. If I make a conscious effort to keep that foot straight when running, it seems to help. I twisted or sprained (or whatever) that ankle several times in the past and I think it could have had something to do with that? Then again, this is a fairly new problem... not more than a month old so maybe its my new shoes? I got them the last week of October.
This really sucks though, many times I have to just go for a walk instead of running. I can't get faster if I can't train enough! And its not going to help my weight loss pace.

Anyways, besides the foot, everything has been going pretty good. I'll do a progress pic when I make goal weight. I continue to be inspired by a lot of fitness page posts on Instagram (follow me: heartsonfire707)
So here are a few from this week:

And what was your excuse again?

Now on to a new week!

Stalled out >:(

I have been wracked with nerves this week. I'm not sure what caused it, but I feel almost sure I haven't lost weight. So time to get on the scale and get out the tape measure:

Scale says 140.6... that's exactly where I was last week. I was right... no weight lost.
Its really really annoying and frustrating. It is kind of to be expected though. From what I have read, that is typical after a week or 2 of really rapid weight loss. But I didn't mean to lose so quickly! It just happened on its own!

Arms were 11.5"
Waist 30"
Hips 36"
Thighs 22.5"
Calves 14.25

Everything is the same as last week except I guess I lost 1/4" off my calves. So maybe I gained muscle? To be honest, my arms are a little more defined and I ran 5.5 miles on wednesday which is farther than I've ever gone and I was sore from it so maybe that added some muscle?
Sigh. I would be lying if I said I wasn't dissapointed. But oh well. What are you gonna do, ya know? Gotta push harder this week.

I have 6 days until Thanksgiving. I might weigh in thanksgiving morning instead of the next day because I KNOW I will have a bunch of food in me that will effect everything. I'm not going to binge, but I plan on enjoying a piece of pie and a serving of the things I like. Probably gonna have a huge guilt trip afterwards though.
Maybe I'm taking this all too seriously? Its tiring obsessing over this stuff. So that makes me wonder if I should just relax and have a cheat day again? But then I think "no! You didn't lose anything this week!"
I bet I will put up a good number next week. Since I lost nothing this week.

I SOOOOO wanted to be in the 130's by this week! Guess I was too presumptuous last week when I said I was sure I would do it this week. That's what I get, I suppose. Pride goeth before the fall.

Part of what has been causing my fears and anxiety over all this, is I joined this online betting site called dietbetter.com. each game is different, but for example, you put in $25 to join. Everyone in that game puts in $25. The bet is, you have 28 days to lose 4% of your body weight. That's almost goal weight for me so I was like "I'm sure I can do it!" Everyone who completes the 4% weight loss wins, and splits the pot with other winners. It is a GREAT motivational tool and I have found a lot of the people on the sight are very supportive! Everyone there has the same goal as you. It is a great concept! Now that I have so much money on the line though, I'm scared out of my mind that something is gonna happen and I won't lose the weight! (And today's results aren't helping). You can join up to 3 games at once. Which I am guilty of. They all end December 15th and final weigh in is December 15th-17th. I could win alot of money... one of the game pots is over $13,000. I will keep you all updated on the game. I'm so nervous!
But I know I can do it. I have to be strong and keep going! Today won't hold me back. It can't. It sucks really bad, but I have to keep going. No more little snacks here and there. "Just one bite" DOES hurt.
Gonna go hard this week on the workouts!!

<a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"><img border="0" src="http://tickers.myfitnesspal.com/ticker/show/4239/1699/42391699.png" /></a><p style="text-align:center;width:420px;"><small>Created by MyFitnessPal - <a href="http://www.myfitnesspal.com">Free Calorie Counter</a></small></p>

What Its Really Like

I feel strange in this new body sometimes. I think I'm so unfamiliar with it. It is ever changing and deflating. Its hard sometimes (I know right... poor me... haha).

I feel the opposite of what it seems I should be feeling! I have these moments and days where I am proud and confident, but then other days where I'm kinda self conscious about how I look. I guess so much focusing on my body, trying to make it better, makes me notice everything I don't like and the imperfections.
There was a reason I was fat. There were bad habits and no doubt some psychological reasons behind it all that I need to think about, pray about and figure out.
I think now that the weight is coming off I feel vulnerable. I'm not hidden under a nice layer of fat.
I've said it before but it bears repeating that weight loss is almost all mental. The physical part is easy. Its the mental part you gotta work on. All your troubles and reasons aren't going to go away as the pounds melt. They'll be uncovered, more likely.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm just like "Daaaaayum!" And other times I see my stomach sticking out still. Having stretch marks doesn't help. And my hips still seem too wide. I know I'm still a work in progress... its a comforting thought. But there will always be room for improvement and I need to start to love myself more so I can enjoy the new me! I just look in the mirror sometimes and my mind is used to seeing and criticizing the old me. The new skinnier me is, well... new. I'm not used to it yet. So I guess you could say its almost like I'm having a mild identity crisis haha.

Ok, now for weigh-in results! Last week I was 142.8 pounds... today I am 140.6! 2.2 pounds lost!! Once again, I am completely shocked.

I don't know how I'm losing so fast all of the sudden! Maybe lifting weights really is making a huge difference? I knew it would help, just didn't know it could be THIS MUCH! I have lost a total of 32 pounds now. My BMI today is 24.9... I am now officially not considered overweight! (By 0.1 points lol). Just by the skin of my teeth isn't good enough though, that's why 135 is my goal. I will undoubtedly be in the 130's by next week. I can wait to see those numbers on the scale!

Picture proof of today (not that you don't believe me... and I know, I need to fix my toenails haha. Kinda ratchet.)

Oh yes, measurements have to be done!

Start arm (11/1): 12"   Last week's arm: 11.5"      Today: 11"

Start waist: 31"           Last week's waist: 30.5"     Today: 30"

Start hips: 37.5"          Last week's hips: 36.5"      Today: 36"

Start thighs: 23"          Last week's thighs: 22.5"    Today: 22.5"

Start calves: 15"         Last week's calves: 14.5"   Today: 14"

So I lost inches everywhere but my thighs! (which is totally fine with me. I like my legs lately)

Something cool I noticed: This past week Hailie was playing in the closet and kept wanting to open and close her sock drawer (as most any 1-yr-old would!) But she wasn't so good at the opening part. Meanwhile across the bedroom, I was rubbing my husband Daniel's back while he watched Dirty Jobs on Netflix. Hailie kept calling me to open the drawer every minute or so, and without even realizing it, I kept getting up, running to help her, then running back to Daniel. This went on for several minutes. Then I noticed: it wasn't hard for me to get up! I was just doing it! Over and over without any trouble at all! It wasn't a pain in the butt!

I have a lot more energy now. That same night, I spent a good half hour pushing her around in her beloved Costco grocery box and making driving and crashing noises to make her laugh. And playing ball with her. And then making and cleaning up dinner, picking up all Hailie's messes... it is really cool! I feel almost like I did when I was 10 years old giving horsy rides to little brothers. It doesn't take the wind out of me to get down on the floor and play with my baby and THAT is priceless!

I have had a lot of people ask me what I'm doing and how I'm losing all this weight. I've talked about it in past blogs but not everyone has read them all so I'll try to explain it again in a nutshell:
Basically eating clean (well... most of the time!), keeping a food journal (Myfitnesspal app makes this a breeze!), counting all calories, running and finally, lifting weights.

I took a nutrition class at the jc 2 years ago and I have read several books on the subject so I had some knowledge already. The way the human body works is something I've always been interested in, and I have found it very easy to retain the information I learn. Nevertheless, the days leading up to the start of my weight loss journey, I literally Googled things like "how to lose weight." You can learn most of what you need to know by doing that. Google your resting metabolic rate. Multiply it by 1.4, if you are somewhat active. Then cut 500 calories from that number per day through diet and/or exercise and you should lose roughly a pound per week. Cut more, lose more. Most medical professionals agree that you shouldn't try to lose more than 2 lbs per week. More than that may be unhealthy unless you are in the class II level of obesity. It really is that simple though. Figure out your numbers, stick to it, adjust according to weekly results if needed and it will work. There's no magic pill. No special workout. I don't eat "low fat" stuff. I'm not on a "low carb" plan. I eat healthy, balanced meals, in proper portions. 

You have to put in the work and effort and time. "Calories in, calories out." As my Nonnie used to say. (My Mom's mom... she knows what she's talking about.)

This is a screenshot of another app I've been using called "Monitor Your Weight"

It is SUPER useful in that it will keep track of all your weigh-ins, and as shown, it will graph it all for you and give you a projected date of goal completion! which, as you can see, I am 2 weeks ahead of schedule! Its predicting that I'll reach goal weight by December 10th!

The green dotted line is your goal. The brown one is how you are doing right now. If it falls below the green line, you are ahead of schedule. If it falls above... you are behind schedule.

This is a screenshot from the same app, but its the "Current Details" tab. Basically like the home page:

I don't follow the "diet" line... I have my own plan. Which by the way, it changed again today. The more weight you lose, the less calories you need... so you need to consume a fewer amount of calories in order to lose weight at the same rate. So MyFitnessPal app is now saying I should consume 1220 a day. :( 

I will probably still eat pretty close to 1300 haha since I have been losing so rapidly at that number.

I'm so glad I started this, when I did. In 4 days, this Tuesday, will be my 100th day into my weightloss journey. 100 days of counting almost every single calorie. Even "cheat" ones. 100 days. I am down over 30 pounds in less than 100 days. Wow. I am soooooo glad that I started when I did. I can't imagine if I HADN'T started! I would feel so devastated if I was still at my starting weight (or heavier!!) today! I didn't wait for "this Monday", "New Year's Day" or "next week" I started in the moment. I couldn't take it anymore. The fat had to stop! No more wishing and longing! I chose to just get up and do it! And I'm so glad that I did, when I did! 

Exciting results this week!

Well it has been quite a week! New achievements (ran my first real 5k race!), new goals to set (10k race, or another 5k?) And ongoing challenges! Like hoping to lose weight enough to reach my goal!

After the race I treated myself to a doughnut. I did it, and I liked it. And I had JUST ONE. I felt fine after, until I noticed the next 24 hrs my cravings were elevated. And I felt like I was failing at weight loss even though it was just one. Which got me thinkin... that happens every time I eat junk food. Luckily the next day (last Sunday) I managed to do alright but usually when I eat food that isn't healthy, I feel like I'm failing. When I feel like I'm failing, I start to think about quitting. When i think of quitting, i tend to eat more bad food. Or too much food. I feel lethargic. Like I should just give up and give in to these newly resurfaced cravings. It starts off this chain reaction inside my head. I have to consciously stop, force myself to break free of the downward spiral, no matter how hard it is and just get back at it the next day. Its a new day, fresh start... "I can do this. I WILL do this." ...and that's how I do it. Its weird cause even with the doughnut, I was under my calorie goal, yet it still set off the negative chain reaction. I ate something extremely dense in calories with very little nutritional value. My goal is the opposite: I want to pack a punch in nutrition with every calorie I eat. It isn't all about staying in that calorie limit. Its about getting all your nutrients in with those calories. And you know what? The days when I eat really well I do not at all feel deprived or hungry still. Because my body has been given the fuel it needed. It is pretty easy for me to feel happy and satisfied on just 1300 calories a day - as long as I eat the right foods! Junk food leaves me hungry again within an hour because my body still needs more nutrients! So that was just a little observation :)

I have been thinking about what my new running goals should be. I want to get under 25 minutes for a 5k. I know my race time was 23:47 but that is RACE TIME. obviously the adrenaline rush and all the people around me had me running way faster than normal and thankfully I trained enough to have the stamina to get me to the finish, but I wanna be able to do that on any given day. After I do that and during my training I want to start doing longer distances. Maybe by spring I can run a 10k or a half marathon! I want to work on speed still but endurance running is where the calorie burn will be at. If I can run for 2 hours, I will burn more calories than running 3.1 miles (5k) as fast as I can. Its science.

I am thrilled to be where I am today. It is shocking! 

Last week I was 145.6. Today I stepped on the scale and I kid you not, I am 142.8!!! Almost 3 pounds lost, my only explanation is that maybe I was carrying some extra water weight the last few weeks? The only thing I did different was that I balanced my calories better throughout the day. What I mean by that is, I ate bigger breakfasts and smaller dinners. Usually I just have oatmeal (150 cals) for breakfast, and a 400 calorie salad for lunch, a small fruit or veggie snack and then spend all the rest of my calories on a good dinner. But most days this week I had a more filling breakfast and a smaller dinner. I don't know if that made the difference but man... here is a pic to prove it!!!

Oh and my measurements:
Last week's arms: 12" Today: 11.5"

Last week's waist: 31" Today: 30.5"

Last week's hips: 37.5" Today 36.5"

Last week's thighs: 23" Today: 22.5

Last week's calves: 15" Today: 14.5"

I'm glad I gave myself a weight loss goal challenging enough, yet achievable. At first I was gonna make my goal to weigh 145. But I was like "what if I can do better? If I'm really gonna do this, why not go as far as I want and think I really can?" Get out of that comfort zone. Take a risk. Challenge yourself! I know I haven't met my goal yet, but I'm almost there! I'm really going to do it! 46 more days to lose 7.8 pounds! That means I only need to lose 1.2 pounds a week now. But I'm not going to stop doing what I'm doing. I'm not gonna go easy on myself. maybe I can pass 135 on Christmas Eve! I will probably skip my weigh in the Friday before December 24th and just weigh in on my actual Christmas Eve goal day. 

I'm glad I didn't limit myself to just trying to get down to 145! Because I have passed that now! I officially weigh less than I can ever remember weighing. When I was a kid, I was normal and skinny. So I never thought twice about what I weighed. I tried dieting during my teenage years and the lowest I can ever remember getting down to was 146. So now I have beaten that. It is quite an accomplishment

All of that, but i need to remind myself I'm not "there" yet. I have a long way to go still.
Just when I think I've gotten really skinny, I get a piece of humble pie. There's always a little something that reminds me I'm still medically overweight. Like a reflection in a store window as I walk past, a tshirt I thought I was finally small enough to wear, or something else throughout the day. I don't want to be rail thin. Just want all my extra fat to be gone! I want to be fit. I want to walk and see ripples of muscle working. Not fat. I can't believe such a short time ago I was obese. Now I'm just overweight. At the time I started, I would have given anything to be where I'm at now, and I would have been satisfied. But now that I've come this far, I know I can go all the way and I know the body I could have. So I won't be satisfied till I get there! I have figured out what my next weight loss goal will be, but I'm not gonna tell until I reach my goal weight ;) mwahahaha

Most of this week was good. I tried running with Hailie in the jogging stroller twice. She didn't much care for it and the stupid stroller constantly turns to the left like a really bad shopping cart. Imagine trying to run less than 10 minute miles with that... my knees hurt from trying to twist it the opposite directoon the whole time. And one of my shoulders. I just feel really bad though trying to find someone to watch Hailie 5X a week for up to an hour without paying them. I feel guilty like I'm just using everyone. I tell myself it isn't true, and they insist they are happy to watch her, but deep down, I feel bad.
ANYWAYYYS so if you see or hear of a free jogging stroller that works, holler at me haha.

On a completely unrelated note, Eminem's new album is so good! (MMLP2). One of the songs is stuck in my head right now. But I don't know all the words yet so I just have this one part in my head. Anyways, good running music on that album!

Here's a progress pic followed by my weekly motivating pics I find on instagram:

Mind Over Matter

I've been realizing more and more how weight loss is mostly a mental battle. A battle to make yourself workout. Then workout harder. Resist that second or third helping of the lasagna. Eat fruit for snacks. Eat veggies. Lean proteins. Good complex carbs. Think of food as fuel. Nourish your body instead of pleasing the palette. (Not that healthy food isn't good!)
Challenge yourself and you might see how much more you can do!
Release your strength. Stop holding yourself back. Decide to do something and just do it! Those moments when you feel like quitting are the moments that you need to push yourself harder. Raise the bar. Literally go that extra mile.

I feel back on track mentally now since a few days ago. That drive and happy excited feeling is back. I'm really doing this...! I'm over halfway to my goal!
I remember it clicking that I CAN weigh 135 lbs. I have no physical restrictions (well except asthma, but I fought through it!), no dietary restrictions like food allergies... this is my life and I'm taking control, damn it! I was choosing to weigh what I did, with every bite I took. I had been believing these lies that I couldn't do it and "its so hard to be a mom and lose weight!" Or "I guess I'm just destined to be a bigger girl!" Nope. I can be healthy. I can be fit! You know how cool it is to know that if I needed to, I could run for several miles without stopping!? (Insert zombie apocolypse reference here) Me... who just a few months ago would get winded running halfway around the block. Its a pretty cool feeling. I feel stronger. More powerful. More confident. I highly recommend it. ;)

Last week I weighed in at 149.4 lbs. And this week... come to find, I've lost a whopping 1.6 lbs! I'm 147.8 lbs! Been kicking butt! I'm surprised, there were some days where I went over my calorie goal by a couple hundred. Still though... this is so cool! These are the kind of numbers I need to be putting up in order to meet my goal on time.

Running this week has been great with my new inhaler! I feel a little nerdy using it, but hey... being able to breathe effortlessly while running is so worth it! I didn't realize how bad it was until I ran without asthma symptoms. It was amazing... it was exhilarating! I could take huge gulps of air! For once I could actually challenge my muscles! I wasn't wasting all this extra energy, heaving and using so much strenth to suck in the little air I was able to, over and over! With that, I noticed my muscles tired out faster... I was suddenly able to push myself more and didn't take it slow enough... plus i killed my hamstrings and glutes doing dumbbell deadlifts on wednesday. As a result, I wound up having to walk some parts of my runs and didn't PR right away like I'd hoped, but I have high expectations for tomorrow's run!

I also got new shoes this week! I am so excited! They are Asics again. I looove Asics. Feels like running on clouds (for me haha). And I got some really good socks. I felt absolutely zero pain in my blister zones. So that is awesome!

I'm really looking forward to the holidays! Hopefully I'll see some relatives that I haven't seen since 4th of July, right before I got serious about weight loss and I'm hoping to blow them away! They are rarely on facebook so I doubt they've seen any pics or read any of my blogs... its gonna be fun! And all the holiday pictures will be fun! I won't be cringing inside, trying to hide behind people haha.

My game plan for surviving those extra holiday calories: only allow myself to cheat on the actual holiday. (Except halloween, I won't binge on candy because I have a race two days after, and I want my body primed and fueled right!)

So Thanksgiving day: I will endulge.

Christmas eve: I will endulge in the evening because I consider this day part of Christmas. And hopefully I will have met my goal and will have some celebrating to do!

Christmas day: I will definitely endulge.

All of this won't be over once I've met my goal. I will set a new goal. Most likely it will be to get down to 125 lbs and pack on some muscle! And not to mention the fact that if I ever decide "I'm done" the weight will come back. I will obviously be able to eat more once I'm just maintaining my weight, but I can never go back to the way I used to eat. Why on earth would I want to, anyway?? I feel amazing, my self-esteem and confidence is up, everything is getting better and better!
Here's to another week of hard work paying off! Its all mind over matter!

Chuggin' along

Results are in! Last week I was 150.8 lbs and today I am 149.4!! -1.4 pounds lost! Woooohooooo I'm in the 140's!! Its been 7 years since I was here! It feels incredible! And I am surprised! 

Not sure why, but most of this week I almost felt like giving up. Been battling a lot of cravings and stuff. (See, Its not all easy and all smiles!) Like on Tuesday i seriously wanted to go get and eat an entire pepperoni pizza with the pepper flakes and parmesan. Not even kidding.

I've been trying to figure it all out. I just don't feel like counting calories and planning workouts. Its like extreme laziness or something has set in. It has become work this week. Its like its not as fun lately.
I am staying strong though. Haven't cheated at all. For some reason I felt like I wasn't gonna lose any weight this week. I think maybe because my heart wasn't in it as much? Also since I've added in some abs, pushups and squats routines I was afraid I was gonna gain a bunch of muscle, which is great, but it might not have looked good on the scale. I need to remember its NOT all about some number on a scale, but rather how I look and if I'm losing inches. Still though, I'm hoping it will all boost my metabolism enough for it not to matter, and that I'll still continue to lose more poundage.
Make no mistake about it, I'm not backing down! Just have felt a little down in the dumps the past few days.

And now I have some news: as of today I was officially diagnosed with exercise induced asthma (which I suspected for awhile now). They are pretty sure it was caused by all the secondhand cigarette smoke I'm exposed to from my mother in law. My symptoms had been getting steadily worse the past few weeks. I kept fighting through it thinking it was just cause I was pushing myself and I'm still out of shape. But, it really is asthma. Gotta go pick up an inhaler now.

Despite all of that, I had a new 5k PR this week! My new time is 31:57 haha. Yay for 15 seconds faster! But I need to shave practically 2 minutes off my time in just 3 and a half weeks if I want to meet my goal of running my 5k in 30:00 or less on November 2nd in the Run Or Dye race here in town. That's right, I'm in!! My awesome friend Hali is sponsoring me! I'm officially registered now! It is such a blessing! This will be my first official sports event I've ever participated in! I am nervous already! And I'm hoping I'll get enough race day adrenaline to get me to reaching my goal! That combined with a few puffs of Albuterol and I should be golden :D Now I just need some new running shoes. Planning to go on Monday to Fleet Feet so I'll have a couple weeks still to break them in!

Fun Fact: the Women's 5k
world record time is 14:12!!! Daaaaaang!!

I'm officially fitting into size 6 jeans now! I can't remember the last time I was this tiny! Still some chubbs to get rid of but I am closer to the finish line with every day that goes by!

Its weird to be getting skinnier. I feel so light and free and little! 3 months ago I felt trapped. Felt this heavy fat clinging to me and weighing me down. You know what I realized today?! I have lost Hailie's current weight now! Ha! That's crazy. Puts it in perspective! I was carrying that much extra weight around all the time!! But here I am. Running 5k, 4 times a week, 1300 nutrient dense calories a day and the weight is just falling off. It really is as simple as that. Takes a few minutes of simple math to figure out what your calorie numbers are and then its just science..  the weight WILL

come off! Calories in, calories out!

Here is some of what inspired me and kept me going, this past week:

Aaand here's a side by side comparison of my before and *during* ;)

A little bit about what I'm doing exactly

"In one year, what would you wish you had started, today?" "Tomorrow you will wish you would have started today." "We live our whole life in the present. We only have right now, so now is the time to start. No more procrastinating what I want for my life." -those are some of the realizations I had to come to, to start changing. I was finally ready. Before, I wanted lots of food. More than I needed. Now I want health and a fit body. This is my 3rd blog post now, I didn't realize I had so much to talk about but here we are!

Last week I out uo 152.4 on the scale. This morning I am at 150.8!!!!! Over a pound and a half lost!! Needless to say i am ecstatic!! That whole "no cheat days/meals" paid off! 

These are the kinds of numbers I need to put up in order to meet my goal. I completely expect to be in the 140's by next week and today is also another milestone... I'm officially smaller than Daniel has ever seen me! Soooo cool :)

I have found my exercise/sport that works for me. And its running. As of this week, my current 5k time is 32:12. My goal is to run it in under 30 minutes by November 2nd, which is the day of the Run Or Die 5k race at the Sonoma County Fairgrounds. I haven't signed up for it yet -don't really have an extra $45 lying around (and I need new running shoes... anyone wanna sponsor me?? Haha) but even if I can't run in the race I decided I will still train to beat that 30 minute mark by that day. Currently I'm doing a speed training program. You train a min. of 4 days/week. Day one you sprint 300 meters, then walk 100 over and over for 5k. Then day 2, you just run a full 5k. Repeat day one, then repeat day 2. The next week (my current week) you sprint for 400, walk 100, next day run the full 5k and next, the sprinting again.
The sprinting intervals get longer and longer and you can go faster and faster at your 5k. So those are my current workouts but I reaaaaally need to start lifting weights. I need to work on my upper body and core strength. Gotta get me some of them 6 pack abs all the young'ins are sporting ;) (hey, I can dream!)
But really though. It would be raaaad to have a 6 pack!
I told my sister Bella that by Halloween I will beat her at pushups (currently she can do 15... and I can do... 1! Haha... told you i need to work on upper body strength.) My legs are getting shredded and I want the rest of me to match! Plus if I put on more muscle, the fat will melt away even faster... which I need if I wanna meet my Christmas Eve Goal of 135 lbs! So to kick off all of that I'm gonna do these challenges: 

I added pushups to the second one. I'll start off doing one and then +1 everyday except the rest days and by halloween i should be able to do at least 27 :)

I have been super good this week. No cheat days at all, eating super healthy, exercising as much as I should be. And last week I was under my weekly calorie goal by like 250! (From exercise, not starving myself.)

A typical day for me food-wise, is usually (plain! Not that flavored kind in packets!) oatmeal for breakfast with a splash (1/4 cup) of milk and sprinkled with cinnamon. Or a bowl of cold cereal like cheerios or total if i want a semi-junk food treat.

Few hrs later I'll have a huge green salad (typically a whole head of romaine lettuce, 4 cherry tomatoes, one serving of feta cheese, some almonds or walnuts, a few croutons -i looove croutons- and topped with some light poppyseed dressing I picked up at BigLots which only has 40 cals per serving but I always double it cause I eat a lot of lettuce and it is the bomb.com).
So that keeps me full for awhile!  Sometimes I chop some bell pepper in place of tomato. Sometimes i use both (depending on what I have) and sometimes I crumble a couple slices of bacon on it. That's right, I eat bacon. WHEN my calorie allotment allows for it and it is in moderation! I don't go bacon crazy! (I have cooked and eaten a whole pound of it before). Other days I might just have a tuna sandwich on homemade bread. Or chicken breast/mayo/cheese/mustard sandwich. The list goes on and I don't eat seconds because I'm trying to lose weight and honestly, i just don't need seconds.
My MyFitnessPal app calculates all my macronutrients and yes, I am able to get 100% of my daily recommended amounts of my essential vitamins and minerals on just 1300 calories because for the most part, I chose nutrient-dense foods.

So anyways, then I usually need a snack before dinner. Apple slices with peanut butter are a fave. Today I ate fishy crackers, even though they aren't healthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no need for me to get discouraged. I only had a couple handfulls (really tho) and so I still stayed under my calorie limit. It is almost always fruit though, for my snack.

Dinner is usually a meat and a biiiig pile of a cooked veggies. Either 2 boneless skineless chicken breasts (you can get a huge bag of those frozen babies at Costco for like $25 bucks. Hella worth it.) Or it'll be a pork chop or one 4oz steak or turkey burger etc. And the veggie is typically squash from our garden or broccoli, spinach or green beans cause those are all my favorite. Sometimes I do steamed or sauteed bok choy or swiss chard. With a little salt OMG #nom!

Aaaand that's it. In bed by 9 usually, full night's sleep and repeat the next day with whatever variation fits into my 1300 calorie days. Last night I had a no-sugar-added banana berry smoothie cause I ran and I deserved it! But I don't usually eat back my workout calories. 

My 1300 allotment is -500 calories from what my body burns per day if I do no exercise. If I were to go for an extra long run and burn an additional 500 I might eat a couple hundred back but that's cause you don't want to have a deficit of over 1000 because it may slow your metabolism. So usually my calories are cut and I workout on top of it. My runs usually burn 400 calories +/-. Oh and unless my run ends right before a mealtime, I have a whey protein shake (chocolateeeeee!) Immediately afterwards. If you don't have a smartphone or don't want to/can't use MyFitnessPal to figure out how many calories to eat, you can go here: http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/ For a good BMR calculator.

I feel amazing physically. I have lost 22 lbs and it makes a difference. I now get up in the morning and my feet don't hurt from the weight! I have a lot more energy! I just have this happy feeling!
I used to not like to turn my head down cause then I would feel how big my double chin was getting. Now I do it on purpose to see if its gotten smaller. (Yeah, I'm weird).

Emotionally, I feel amazing too. I feel happy. That's the best way to describe it. I'm just tickled with my accomplishments I guess. Not in a cocky or conceited way at all, but I'm proud of what I'm doing and for the first time in years I'm getting back some confidence and self-esteem this whole weight loss thing is working for me, nothing is gonna stop me now! I am changing forever!

"Potential is worthless if it is never being developed and used"

Don't let your excuses and obstacles stop you! Challenge yourself!

Oh and I really want this shirt:

This one REALLY hit home for me:

YES.

And Its even easier for boys!:

Giiiirl, you know dats whassup!